New England Patriots go 16-0*

* Cheating aside, they did win 16 games. Awesome, eh?

OK, Patriots get caught for cheating against the Jets.

NFL responds with, "That's wicked bad. However, we won't make the Patriots forfeit the game, because Las Vegas bettors would probably kill us. Integrity aside, let's just fine the Patriots. OK? Great."

Pats finish year undefeated. I put an asterisk on that one. Bullshit.

Cooch's look-alikes

lavinius' celebrity look-alikes...

lavinius and cooch recommended video...

Cooch wins the 2007 FFL Championship!!!

Championship Game Co-MVPs:

Kurt Warner and Anquan Boldin


Postseason Trivia:

Cooch's squad, Runningmen Down, was the only team to score at least 100 points in all of their postseason games.

Runningmen Down 2007 Team MVP:

Clinton Portis

Clinton was consistent all season long and pivotal in the postseason, posting 20+ points in the last 2 games.

Final Standings:

Merry Christmas Cooch!

Have a kick ass holiday season!

And all six of our fans, you guys too!

Lisbon Falls UPS!!!

I can't believe it! Lisbon Falls is small, but I didn't realize it was THIS SMALL. UPS just delivered a package to me and I can't believe the UPS "truck" the "driver" used - it's a bicycle with a cart attached! Holy. Shit. This is a slideshow of the UPS Man at the next house on his route. Unbelievable.

"The Dog Ate My World Series Ball!"

File this one into the WTF files...

ESPN.com news services

Updated: December 20, 2007, 12:16 PM ET

The baseball from the final out of the 2007 World Series is at Jonathan Papelbon's home in Hattiesburg, Md., according to the Hattiesburg American.

Well, part of it is.

The rest? You should ask the Boss.

If he could talk, he might say it was delicious. But the most he'll say is "woof."

"Boss," you see, is Jonathan Papelbon's dog. Boss likes to play with baseballs. And Boss found the baseball that Red Sox catcher Jason Varitek gave the closer after he struck out the Rockies' Seth Smith to clinch Boston's second World Series title in four years, the newspaper reported.

----

What's with this team and World Series balls? And if this load of poo is true, how is this ball anywhere near striking distance of poochie?

lavinius vs. cooch: head-to-head matchup #3 this season

FFL Playoffs, Round 2: Cooch beats Lavinius comfortably. Romo, who Cooch traded to Lavinius several weeks ago, puts up 3 points and pulls down Lavinius' squad with him. Cooch advances to the Championship game, facing a 5-8 team (Team Cherry), who pulled an even greater upset (ala Joe Namath) against the Tainted Taints.

(click on image for greater detail)

Good Job Eli Manning, you Douche Bag

Just in case you didn't know - I'm not much of an Eli Manning fan...

How about this line from today (Washington Redskins vs. New York Giants):

Yup. 36 incomplete passes. Nice job, douche.

Cooch to Romo: Next time, leave Jessica at homeThe Rex Grossman award goes to.... Tony Romo!

With his bubbly girlfriend in the stands, Tony Romo played an absolute stinker in Irving today against the Eagles. The Eagles held Romo to the worst QB rating of his career (22.2, ouch!) as Romo threw 3 picks with no TDs; the Eagles won 10-6 and Romo was off all day...


[box score - very unimpressive]

Winter Lawn Sale in Maine

Dallas Cowboys Clinch NFC East!

Rob Phillips - Email
DallasCowboys.com Staff Writer
December 9, 2007 3:19 PM

DETROIT - The Cowboys have clinched their first division title since 1998, but not without a large dose of drama.

Quarterback Tony Romo's 16-yard touchdown pass to Jason Witten with 18 seconds left capped an amazing fourth-quarter comeback and lifted Dallas (12-1) past Detroit, 28-27, to secure the NFC East title Sunday at Ford Field.

Detroit (6-7) appeared to have preserved the upset with 5:47 left, when Greg Blue recovered Witten's fumble at the Lions' 1-yard line. But the Cowboys got the ball back, allowing Romo just enough time for a game-winning drive.

Witten finished with a game-high 15 catches for 143 yards, and Romo completed 35 of 44 passes for 307 yards and two touchdowns.

Running back Marion Barber also had three touchdowns for Dallas.

NFL Week 13 Picks

LAVINIUS: Lavinius Lock and Load Play of the Week

Denver -3 over Oakland (buy the 1/2)

-Denver 5 SU wins over Oakland last 5 H2H
-Denver 4 SU wins in Oakland last 4 in Oakland
-Oakland 1-4 SU at home this year
-Denver has scored 95 pts in their last 3 games (a little over 31 per)
-Oakland allows 153.6 rushing ypg (Denver rushes for 124 per game)
-Cutler is playing his best ball of the season

Denver over Oaktown! Buy the hook!

---

COOCH: Cooch's Lead Pipe Lock

NY Giants -1 (buy the hook, god dang it!) over Chicago

- Chitown sucks and has just lost Benson....

- Giants leader in all major facets: Pts/game, yards allowed, yards gained, time of possession, red zone, kicking, and penalties.

- Giants 6-2 ATS last 8 road games
- Bears 3-9 ATS last 12 vs NFC

---

LAVINIUS: Dental Floss Lock of the Week

Ravens +21 over NE (purchase el hooko):

Brady will get the shits eating at Phillip's Crab Shack the night before
and drink too much at Power Plant Live. He will sleep with one too many
girls, including a transvestite inadvertantly, and smoke a half a dozen
blunts with John Curtice while receiving head under the table from said
tranny.

---

COOCH: Action Play Cock Lock Consensus Pick 50 Dime Play of the Week GOLD Star Release

ST LOUIS -3 OVER ATL

Last great thing out of ATL was 50 Cent. No, wait, was that Lil' John?

---

LAVINIUS: Ratings Buster Cement Beam Lock of the Decade in Odd-Numbered Years

Miami -1 over Jets

Phins win, '76 Bucs champagne shower ensues.

I think I'm in love

Daredevil Evel Knievel dies at 69

CLEARWATER, Fla. (AP) - Evel Knievel, the red-white-and-blue-spangled motorcycle daredevil whose jumps over crazy obstacles including Greyhound buses, live sharks and Idaho's Snake River Canyon made him an international icon in the 1970s, died Friday. He was 69.

[story]

Happy Thanksgiving Cooch!

Taints, even Chinese Food joints have you pegged

The Pats scored again...

The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again
The Pats scored again

Romo, Westbrook propel Lavinius to 153.1-102.2 romp over Cooch's hapless squad

The rematch carried far less fanfare than the initial battle. With Cooch basically throwing in the towel on his season following Ronald Brown's season-ending injury, and Shawn Alexandra's feminine tendencies on the football field, Lavinius was a heavy favorite heading into the rematch.

Further hindering the pride of Lisbon Falls was his decision to trade top fantasy QB and mancrush Tony Romo to Lavinius for highly-skilled white WR Wes Welker. With the trade, he guaranteed that Lavinius would pretty much be stacked across the board at every position on his fantasy squad. QB had been a weakness thanks to broken ribage by Marc Bulger. But with Bulger's ribs now healed, Lavinius is armed with essentially two Pro Bowl QBs.

The results of this rematch were grotesque for the Cooch supporters, but symphonic to Lavinius supporters. Quite eloquently, Lavinius waxed that ass.

2007 Red Sox MLB Awards

Gold Glove - Kevin Youkilis, 1B
Silver Slugger - David Ortiz, DH
Delivery Man - Jonathan Papelbon, Closer
Rookie of the Year - Dustin Pedroia, 2B
Conigliaro Award - Jon Lester, P

2007 ALCS MVP - Josh Beckett
2007 WS MVP - Mike Lowell

Player of the Month:
April; Rookie of the Month: Hideki Okajima
May; Rookie of the Month: Dustin Pedroia
September; Rookie of the Month: Jacoby Ellsbury, Player of the Month: David Ortiz

Player of the Week:
May 14 - May 20: Daisuke Matsuzaka
May 28 - June 3: Dustin Pedroia
July 23 - July 29: Manny Ramirez
August 20 - August 26: David Ortiz and Mike Lowell
August 27 - September 2: Clay Buchholz

Sporting News Rookie of the Year: Dustin Pedroia

NEW YORK YANKEES TO BOSTON RED SOX CONVERSION FORM

NEW YORK YANKEES TO BOSTON RED SOX CONVERSION FORM


Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of the Boston Red Sox Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently processing only fan conversion registrations for New York Yankee fans. Conversion requests from other teams will be accepted once all Yankee requests are processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based upon the current backlog of requests.

Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion form below to help us get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover from your previous fan experience.

Name: _______________________________


Address:______________________________


Who's Your Daddy: ____________________



1. Please select your favorite recent Yankee new player acquisition:

[ ] Roger Clemens $20 million, six wins, one groin pull

[ ] Alex Rodriquez $92 million, no title, Ha!

[ ] Derek Jeter $123 million since he last won world series

[ ] Jason Giambi $91 million, no title, lots of roid sweat

[ ] Carl Pavano $27 million, five wins


2. . Which of the following would you most like to see as the most played
YES Network "Great Moments in Yankee History" film clip in 2008:

[ ] Rivera's "shocking" blown save in Game 4, 2004

[ ] Rivera's "shocking" blown save in Game 5, 2004

[ ] The awesome wild card clincher celebration

[ ] Wang getting hammered in Game 1

[ ] Wang getting hammered in Game 2

[ ] Jeter's first GIDP

[ ] Jeter's second GIDP

[ ] Jeter's third GIDP



3.. Please indicate the last book you read:

[ ] Someday, in my lifetime, the Yankees will get to the LCS Again

[ ] Suicide Hotline - It's not just for Cubs' fans anymore

[ ] The Heimlich Maneuver -- What to do when choking



4. Which recent Yankees personnel move did you enjoy most:

[ ] Not winning the posting for Matsuzaka

[ ] Winning the posting for Kei Igawa


5. Which following designation best describes Derek Jeter's performance in this year's ALDS:

[ ] Captain Intangibles

[ ] Captain GIDP

[ ] Captain & Tenille


6. Please choose your favorite movie:

[ ] Anger Management

[ ] Hunt for Red October

[ ] Damned Yankees

[ ] Still We Believe


7. Finish this sentence: "Alex Rodriquez is

a. overrated

b. overpaid

c. overdue

d. overly prissy

e. over


8. . Select the most vociferous, stupid, and annoying Yankee fan:

[ ] Washed up "comic" hack and Yanks personal "ball" washer Billy Crystal

[ ] Front-running celebrity phony Jack Nicholson

[ ] Tim McCarver


9 . Are you ready to admit that:

a. Ted Williams was better than Joe DiMaggio?

b. Carlton Fisk was better than Thurman Munson?

c. Even Manny Ramirez is faster than Bernie Williams?

d. Reggie Jackson was a better outfielder than Matsui?

e. No self-respecting parasite would invade Jason Giambi?


10. Please indicate your favorite moments in Yankee history: (Check all that apply):

[ ] Alex Rodriquez is traded to the Yankees

[ ] Don Mattingly never wins a World Series

[ ] The Yankees let Clemens get away

[ ] The Yankees get Clemens back

[ ] Giambi's steroid abuse causes his body to collapse like a screen door in a hurricane.

[ ] The bugs eat Joba



11 . Have you experienced any of the following after the embarrassing four game collapse? (Check all that apply)

[ ] Headache

[ ] Uncontrolled Anger

[ ] Heartache

[ ] Holes punched in doors or walls

[ ] Nausea

[ ] Smashed TV screens

[ ] Depression and Broken Dreams

[ ] Avoided Red Sox fans for days or weeks


Once you have completed this form, please forward it to Fenway Park. Then burn all your remaining Yankee clothing, memorabilia, and associated reminders. After reviewing your request, the Red Sox Fan Club will contact you with notification of acceptance or rejection.

I hereby acknowledge that the real "curse" is being a Yankee Fan.


I hereby renounce the New York Yankees for all eternity on this the ______
day of ________________, 200__

The Legend Continues...

Prep team scores 72 points in first quarter

SMITH CENTER, Kan. (AP) - Smith Center scored 72 points in the first quarter of a high school football game Tuesday night on the way to an 86-0 win over Plainville, according to a report in the Salina, Kan., Journal.

Smith Center forced six turnovers in the first quarter as it racked up what is believed to be a record for points in a quarter by a high school team, the paper reported. The previous record was 66 by Prescott, Ariz., in 1925. The defending state champion has outscored its opponents 640-0 so far this season, including a 69-0 win over Plainville earlier this year.

[link]

*YAWN* Red Sox sweep Rockies to win 2nd World Series in 4 years

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/recap?gameId=271028127

Red Sox Halloween Costume...

Lavinius: Thought about being the Sox offense but then I realized I wouldn't scare anybody.

Cooch: Yeah, it would be difficult to dress up as a black hole...

Mancrush V.2 has an official blog

The Official Online blog of Clay Buchholz:
http://buchwild.com/

Lavinius is a Back-to-Back Fantasy Baseball Champion

Yes indeed your boy Lavinius came through like a champ! A regular season where his fantasy team incurred just two H2H losses all year and a 1st place finish by 34.5 games, he validated that success with his second fantasy baseball championship in as many seasons with a 9-3 win in the finals.

The sacrificial lamb this year was a team that went by the name "IbisNation." Having played with Lavinius last year and witnessing dominance for the second straight season, he dubbed Lavinius with arguably the most flattering superlative he's ever heard:

"Fantasy God"

I mean, wow. To be called a God in anything, damn! Doesn't get much better. I'll try not to let it get too much to my head, though.

As usual, photographic evidence is included:

RED SOX 2007 AL EAST CHAMPS!!!

Cooch, how sweet is it to finally be able to call our Sox that? After YEARS of coming up short against the arrogant Yanks, including narrowly missing out on the division the last four years, how sweet does this taste?! 12 fucking years since the last division title. Although a division title isn't the "ultimate goal", I'd be lying if I said I didn't want this BAD.

Nice to see Dice-K end the season with a strong outing. He's the wild card to the Sox playoff run, IMO. Him pitching well is gonna be paramount to the Sox advancing far in the playoffs. Especially with him being the #2 on this team.

In the meantime, magic number is ZERO, snitches!!!

Rusty Cunts

2007 Red Sox first team to clinch playoff berth:Francona first manager to lead the Sox to the postseason 3 times!

The Boston Red Sox became the first team in the majors to clinch a playoff spot this season, rallying on ninth-inning home runs by Jason Varitek and Julio Lugo to beat the Tampa Bay Devil Rays 8-6 Saturday.

Francona becomes the first Red Sox manager in team history to lead a team to the postseason 3 times...

[story]

Richard Pole

Fox Fantasy Baseball Sucks

My league hasn't updated playoff stats in over a week now. Not a huge deal since I earned a first round bye, but most of the second round of playoffs aren't being updated. Everyone's record displays 0-0 with no points scored. What a waste of time to be in week 25ish and the system shitting the bed. All teams are unmanageable at this point. Fucking waste.

Lavinius takes down Cooch in first-ever fantasy sports showdown

A historical phenomenon took place over the weekend. Something so big that it threatened to change life on this planet as we know it.

Lavinius and Cooch are both avid fantasy sports participants. They've always competed in separate leagues, but never against each other.

That was fixing to change when Lavinius extended an invite to the Cooch to join a fantasy football league. Of course, Cooch gladly accepted said invite.

The league is an ESPN league entitled "Head On" (from "apply directly to the forehead" fame). It's a league comprised of friends and former softball teammates of Lavinius with a few random screennames sprinkled in.

So now the table was set. Lavinius and Cooch were finally in a fantasy sports league together. Now it was just a question of "when do they play each other?"

They didn't have to wait long for their showdown. Week 2 was the date. The place? Right here.

The results?

Clickage here:



There ya have it, folks, a victory for yours truly. Despite the loss of Brandon Jacobs, Lavinius still put it down on the Cooch man. I'm certain Cooch will reply to this crying for an asterisk, but it was Terrell Owens that was "filming Miami's defensive plays" during a TD celebration in the 4th quarter. :)

Ball-busting aside, it was a good battle. Smack talk was at a minimum and good sportsmanship at a maximum. Cooch actually sent Lavinius good luck wishes in the spirit of competition.

The rematch is slated for week 10.

The Chinese Newlyweds

A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. Truth be told, he is none too experienced either. On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring.

"My darring" he says, "I know dis you fus time and you berry frighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you wan, I do anyting jus anyting you wan, you say. Whatchou wan?" he says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride.

A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, "I wan ...... numba 69."

More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries........ "You want... Beef wif Broccori?!"

Shady Brady and Bill Belicheat

BREAKING NEWS: Patriots Change Logo

Belichick not quite the genius I had originally thought...

Belichick was synonymous with genius in my opinion - "was" is the key word. Sure, every coach wants to gain an edge on the field, but spying on the other team and relaying signals during the game? I just wonder how many of those Patriots regular season wins, playoff wins, and Super Bowl wins were the results of Belichick's cheating schemes over the years...

[story]

Snapshot of Dolphin Stadium during Nats/Marlins game today

The estimates of people in the stands ranged in the 400 neighborhood, and about half that were on hand to see Todd Linden's game-winning hit in the 12th inning, a grounder that snaked its way through the middle of the infield to bring home pinch-runner Reggie Abercrombie to result in a 5-4 victory over the Washington Nationals.

The Nationals, a team in its third season in Washington, will open a new ballpark when the cherry blossoms are in bloom next spring while the Marlins -- winners of two world titles -- still languish in the House Joe Robbie Built.

The announced paid crowd was 10,121, but most of them stayed home. When the game ended, there were nine people in the outfield bleachers and about 200 around the stadium.

''It's a little sad that you can play where you can count the people in the stands,'' Marlins first baseman Mike Jacobs said. ``But that's the way it is down here, and it's not going to change until we get a new stadium.

``I guess people would rather watch us on TV. Why would you want to come and sit in the heat? It's tough. If we had a stadium with a roof it would help a lot.''

If someone bets you $1,000,000...

that you can't go a whole year without talking, do you take the bet?

The parameters:

You are locked in a glass-enclosed room, mic'd up with surveillance. You are not allowed to speak for 12 months effective the second you're in the glass-room. The room is a mini-house, equipped with a kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, laundry, television...basically all the amenities of a traditional house.

Do you take the bet? $1 million to go one full year without talking. If you utter one single word, you lose.

Results of Lavinius's aka Team Rugged's '07 Fantasy Baseball Season

Sorry for the small font (that's as big as I can make it), but if you put your eyes 1/2 inch away from the screen, you will see total domination by Lavinius in a 14 team league. First place was claimed on Week 2 and maintained in near wire-to-wire fashion.

Now we'll see what the playoffs have in store...

Results of Cooch's first season of MLB fantasy ball:

that's correct - cooch led the beantown sox to victory in a big way... i'm sure lavinius did the same w/ his squad - post the results lavinius!

Curtis Granderson, Congrats!

DETROIT (AP) - Curtis Granderson hit his 20th home run on Friday night against the Seattle Mariners, making the Detroit Tigers outfielder just the sixth player since 1900 with at least 20 home runs, 20 doubles and 20 triples in one season.

"It was distracting me at the wrong time," Granderson said after Detroit beat Seattle 6-1. "I'm in the outfield, and there's a foul ball and I'm thinking about it."

Granderson joined the 20-20-20 club with Kansas City's George Brett (1979), Willie Mays of the New York Giants (1957), Cleveland's Jeff Heath (1941), St. Louis' Jim Bottomley (1928), and Frank Schulte of the Chicago Cubs (1911).

In just his second full season, Granderson leads the majors with 21 triples and has 36 doubles.

[full story]

Hey Cooch, riddle me this...

Has a pitcher ever no-hit a team-- and in his next decision pick up a win as a reliever?

Pottery MF'n Buchholz!

When girls don't put out!!

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart.

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ
so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing.

I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't
feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough
for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to
sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time
with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a
big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which
one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new
shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each
outfit."

We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she
was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn't
even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is
all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't
feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
"WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for
me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I
added,"Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things
I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that
bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Clay Buchholz/Lloyd Christmas separated at birth?

Print it, laminate it, frame it

Clay throws no-hitter in second MLB start!

BOSTON -- For 23-year-old right-hander Clay Buchholz, whose understated Beaumont, Texas, drawl bespeaks a grasp of higher powers, the moment came around the seventh inning of his second Major League start.

"You know when everybody knows what's going on," said Buchholz on Saturday night, still wearing his Red Sox jersey, "and then you look at the scoreboard, and then say, 'Oh, Lord.'"

And so the 6-foot-3 rookie, whose Major League focus matched a singularly dominant repertoire on one historic night, finally noticed a lack of Red Sox sitting near him in the dugout. Then he went out and became only the third pitcher since 1900 to throw a no-hitter in his first or second Major League start.

By completing the 17th no-hitter in Red Sox history, Buchholz accomplished at such an early stage in his career what Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez and Curt Schilling never did in a Red Sox uniform.

Buchholz struck out nine, walked three and hit a batter as Boston won, 10-0, before 36,819 thrilled fans. And he threw 115 pitches before a workload-leery Red Sox front office, which gleefully celebrated with hugs and fist pumps on the last offering, a 1-2 curveball that froze Nick Markakis.

Buchholz joined Mark Buehrle of the White Sox (April 18) and Justin Verlander of the Tigers (June 12) among the pitchers to throw a no-hitter this season -- all of whom are American Leaguers. He also became the 21st rookie to throw a no-hitter, the first since Florida's Anibal Sanchez on Sept. 6, 2006.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Buchholz is the third pitcher since 1900 to throw a no-hitter in his first or second Major League start. Bobo Hollomon threw a no-hitter in his debut on May 6, 1953, for the St. Louis Browns at home against the Philadelphia A's, and Wilson Alvarez did it in his second start on Aug. 11, 1991, for the White Sox at Baltimore.

Considered one of the franchise's top pitching prospects since his arrival as a sandwich pick -- 42nd overall -- out of Angelina College in 2005, compensation for Martinez leaving as a free agent, Buchholz didn't take long to establish himself in the Majors.

For nine innings, Buchholz sparkled among thousands of flashbulbs. He commanded his fastball early, working in a devastating array of offspeed pitches.

After each out, typically the result of a gravity-defying curveball or an immaculately released changeup, the nervous Red Sox rookie nibbled on his glove, enjoying the scene. No later than the seventh inning, the crowd had reached a fever pitch.

Miguel Tejada led off the seventh with a hot shot up the middle. Second baseman Dustin Pedroia dove to his right, stabbing the bounding ball. He turned and threw. Tejada, hurtling headfirst into first, was late.

"To me," Tejada said, "that was the best play they made the whole night."

Buchholz's defensive reputation lags behind the Gold Glove candidate Pedroia's. Nevertheless, he came up with his own top play in the eighth, snaring a Jay Payton rocket on the mound and throwing him out.

Still, Jason Varitek took special care to note the impressive ground that center fielder Coco Crisp covered on a pair of Corey Patterson drives to the outfield gap -- one in the sixth, one in the ninth. That was the most "overlooked" performance, the Sox catcher said.

Answered Crisp, "All the credit goes to [Buchholz]."

"We're back there just trying to make plays for him," Crisp said. "We're his pawns ... and you know, we've got to come up with the plays. That's our job."

The night belonged to Buchholz. When he rang up the final out, a delayed punchout that sent the crowd and the home dugout into a frenzy, the Red Sox spilled onto the field, forming a bounding huddle around the rookie pitcher.

Crisp and third baseman Mike Lowell expressed disappointment that David Ortiz -- "camera hog," Lowell called Big Papi -- beat them to the punch.

"You're rooting for him," Lowell said. "You're absolutely rooting for him."

After the game, Crisp ticked off the many ways in which Buchholz took control.

"He was able to stay focused," he said, "and not allow too many hard-hit balls. And the ones that were hit stayed up in the air."

Perhaps most importantly, Crisp said, on a night when he began the fifth and sixth by walking leadoff men -- "a couple of big innings that can throw a pitcher off" -- Buchholz "was able to relax, go back out there, take a couple of deep breaths at times and stay in his rhythm."

Before the game, Red Sox manager Terry Francona spoke of a letdown in Buchholz's Triple-A performance after he made his Major League debut on Aug. 17. For two weeks, the prospect shuttled across upstate New York, losing his next two starts as a member of the Pawtucket Red Sox.

But, Francona added, "I think we still love this kid to death. And we're excited for a chance to run him out there and see how he does."

Kevin Youkilis added a three-run home run to the cause. Still, the Red Sox's 10-run outburst and the circumstances of the effort -- the Yankees won in the afternoon, staying five games back in the AL East -- remained secondary to Buchholz's singular brilliance.

"I don't even have a word for it," Buchholz said.



CONGRATS CLAY! You're serving the Lavinius Mancrush population proud!

Clay Buchholz throws no-hitter in 2nd major league start!

• 17th no-hitter in Red Sox history; 11th at Fenway
• First Red Sox rookie to throw a no-hitter
• Only the third player in MLB history to throw a no-hitter in their first or second start. (Bobo Hollomon did it in his first start on May 6, 1953, for the St. Louis Browns at home against the Philadelphia Athletics, and Wilson Alvarez did it in his second start on Aug. 11, 1991, for the Chicago White Sox at Baltimore.)

[box score]

No wonder he's Lavinius' Mancrush v.2!!!!

the next clutch hit j.d. drew has this season...

... will be his first.

Papelbon...

Is the first reliever in Sox history to post consecutive 30+ save seasons. Seriously, nobody else in Sox history has done this?!

Solid work on the license plates, Cooch

That New York one might be a long lost relative.

A little Sunshine State representation...



Bwahahahahahahaha!

BEST. PLATE. EVER.

runner-up:

The King of All Beatdowns

October 7, 1916

Georgia Tech 222, Cumberland 0

Re-live the ass mauling here

Put this in the all-time "cheap save" category...

despite winning by 27 runs over the lowly baltimore orioles, texas rangers reliever wes littleton was actually credited with a save!!!!! BWAHAHAHHAH

box score

Texas Rangers put an old-fashioned beating on the Baltimore Orioles...

BALTIMORE (AP) -- The Texas Rangers became the first team in 110 years to score 30 runs in a game, setting an American League record Wednesday in a 30-3 rout of the Baltimore Orioles.

full story

This pounding occurred just hours after the Orioles re-signed interim manager Dave Tremblay... Welcome to Baltimore, Dave!

'Michael Vick's Dog-Walking Service' Grand Opening to be Postponed...

... at least 12-18 months....

Vick accepts plea deal

"Pottery" Buchholz wins major league debut; Gagne taints the day

On this date of August 17 in the year 2007, Clay "Pottery" Buchholz (aka Mancrush V.2) made his big league debut for the Red Sox against American League power the LA Angels of Anaheim. This came after much poking and prodding on Lavinius' behalf to get this kid to the majors.

Several keystrokes later, Lavinius' efforts proved fruitful. Clay got the call-up, and Lavinius was a happy man.

As luck would have it, Lavinius would be out of his homestead for this milestone event as he was at Tire Kingdom getting his tires balanced. While waiting for the tire balancing to conclude, he consulted his good friend Cooch via text messaging to try and get a status report. Upon receiving the text, Cooch's subsequent response would indicate utter flaborgastment:

"You near your email?"

At this point I'm thinking, "dude, if I was, would I be texting you?" Me being the consummate ball-buster, I replied back with:

"Would I be asking you if I was? You're killing me dude (*winkface*)"

Cooch was very tolerant of Lavinius' wiseassery.

"Thought so! Decent outing but far from great. Hitters caught up to him the second time around. Eleven guys on base over six. Given the lineup and the circumsanc"

another text comes in...

"es i'd give him a b-plus"

Lavinius was pleased with this news. I then wanted to find out more information, such as runs allowed and K's.

"Three earned runs and three walks. Eight hits and five strike outs."

Lavinius thought that was pretty fucking solid against a team with the offensive talents of the Halos. The five K's in six innings was especially pleasing to see. Cooch told me he has a nasty changeup. At that point, I couldn't want to get out of Tire Kingdom and back to Casa Lavinius to view highlights from this game.

Hours later, highlights of his performance were posted on the Red Sox official site. From there, mouse clickage took place, followed by a double-click to make Windows Media Player full-screen mode, and on the monitor of my IBM Thinkpad was none other than the man himself. My eyes were treated to an assortment of sick changeups that fell straight off a table. They would appear to be fastballs to the hitters' eyes, only to sharply dart groundward at the very last moment. Cooch speaketh the trutheth about his changeup. The rumors of it being more filthy than Paris Hilton are 100% true. Only difference is Clay's changeups don't need a Valtrex prescription.

At the end of game one, the Sox emerged victorious by a score of 8-4. Mancrush V.2 beats one of the top pitchers in the AL, John Lackey, in his major league debut. Good times. Good times.

Unfortunately, Clay would be used and discarded like a cheap whore. He was sent down to Pawtucket after the game.

Hours later, game two of the doubleheader took place. As luck would have it, Mancrush V.1 (Josh Beckett, as if I had to specify) would be working that game. What are the odds that Mancrush V.2 would be making his ML debut working a doubleheader with Mancrush V.1? It had to have been fate. Either that, or some higher power likes Lavinius.

Beckett once again turned in a studly outing: 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 K's but left with his team trailing 2-1. The score would balloon to 4-1 going into the bottom of the 8th inning and it looked like once again my boy would be hit with a tough luck loss. Fortunately, Papi Grande and Manuel Ramirez made sure this wouldn't happen. Clutch hits by both made the score 5-4 Sox going into the 9th.

With Papelbon working the first game, Sox manager Theresa Francona elected to go with enigmatic rotund Canadian Frenchman Eric Gagne. If there was one man in Fenway that had a chance to play wood-killer, it was Gagne (or Gag-me). Sure enough, the fucker implodes in the 9th inning, allowing three runs to cross. It was the third such lead Gagne has blown in a week in his brief, painful Red Sox tenure. Fenway justly boos the ever-loving shit out of him following yet another implosion. For a guy that was supposed to bolster the bullpen, the only thing he's done is bolster the opposing teams' chance of winning. Thanks, Theo. Thanks, Tito. Thanks, Gagme. You all suck. Theo, for trading for him. Tito, for continuing to put him in the game. And Gagne, for costing the Red Sox valuable games in the standings. The Sox are probably 8.5 games up if they don't make any trades.

On a day that had the potential to be a primo nut buster, Gagne pisses on everybody's parade.

Red Sox Runners, Redux

With Lugo and Crisp both reaching 20 stolen bases this year, it's the first time a pair of Red Sox have stolen 20 or more bags in a season since 1968, when Joe Foy and Reggie Smith had 26 and 22 stolen bases, respectively.

George Bush's anal adventures

Cooch: do we need a play by play of bush's anal adventures? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19872260/

Lavinius: The whole irony in this is Bush saw his polyps before his doctors. :)

7-11 is National Slurpee Day!

Lavinius hereby declares today, July 11th, National Slurpee Day. Go out and enjoy a refreshing one today! My cherry coke slurpee awaits shortly.

And for those fans of the lavinius and cooch diary (all 5 of you, thanks mom and dad), print off this blog entry and receive 25 cents off your 32 oz slurpee! It truly is a deal you can't pass up.

George Carlin quotes

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Lavinius on a recent trip to Mexico

Joshua Patrick Beckett at the all-star break...

W-L: 12-2
ERA: 3.44
WHIP: 1.14
IP: 102
H: 95
ER: 39
HR: 6
BB: 21
SO: 92

That's ma' boy!!!

HALFWAY HOME! Lavinius's First-Half Surprises

Hideki Okajima

I'll be honest, what this guy has done has not only surpassed my expectations, but blew by them at the speed of sound.

We all know Papelbon is as good as money in the 9th inning. Well, the Sox and their fans now have a guy who's as good as money in the 8th inning. His numbers on the year:

2-0, 0.88 ERA, 0.78 WHIP, 41 IP, 22 H, 4 ER, 1 HR, 10 BB, 37 K

And here we thought all the buzz was going to be for the other Japanese signing.

Dustin Pedroia

Nobody has enjoyed the meteoric rise this Sox second baseman has enjoyed over the past two plus months.

On May 1, the little bugger was languishing with a .172 BA and presumably left for dead and questioned by many whether or not he was ready for the big league level.

Since then, he's hit a scorching .371 (62 for 167) to bring his season avg alllllllll the way up to .320. On top of that, his OBP has jumped over 100 points from .294 to .401.

He has emerged as a surprise catalyst for this team and a much-needed one while the team's $9M/year darling dud Julio Lugo tries to break the Mendoza line himself. Pedroia's resurrection from the dead would make Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers proud (not the one in Cooch's profile pic).

Kevin Youkilis

Yooooooooouk! has had a monster first half for the Old Town team and is well on his way to his best single season of his young career. He's always been an on-base machine and this year is proving no exception. He checks in with a .420 mark in that category. But what's more impressive is he's got the high BA to match. His .329 avg is good for 8th in the American League and is currently 50 points higher than his career-best .279 average set last season.

Mike Lowell

Gotta throw him in there simply because of the power numbers. Currently he's on pace for a 23-25 HR season and 105-110 RBI. Not bad for a guy that some deem washed up. If he stays on pace, he'll threaten his second-most productive HR season (27) set in 2004 and his best RBI season (105) set in 2003.

Want more? His .293 avg puts him right at his career best which he achieved in 2004, and the guy is still one of the top doubles hitters in the MLB today. He's on pace for over 40 doubles once again.

Josh Beckett

Gotta throw some love at my Lifetime Mancrush Award. I had a feeling the breakout season was gonna happen this year. And thus far, he has not disappointed. How about 11-2, 3.38 ERA, and a WHIP at a buck-ten? Want more? How about a 4.15 KK/BB ratio? His previous best was a 2.86. How 'bout a 1.88 BB/9 ratio? His previous best was 2.92.

He did come down to earth a little bit in June, but all great pitchers have down months in a six month season, and even with that, it wasn't terrible.

He has a shot along with Dan Haren to be the starter for the AL in the All-Star game.

Julian Tavarez

The hot-tempered SP/RP hybrid has given the team some much-needed stability in the back end of the rotation. He's not going to be in contention for the Cy Young, but he's given the team several quality starts and more often than not has given the Sox a chance to win when he takes the mound.

David Ortiz/Manny Ramirez

Power outage, anyone? 13 HRs from Papi and 11 from Manny wasn't exactly something I was expecting as we close in on the all-star break.

Julio Lugo

I think this about sums it up:

@#%&*%#@!&$%#@

Still wondering why the Sox didn't just re-sign Orlando Cabrera after '04 instead of going through shortstops like Michael Jackson goes through little boys.

J.D. Drew

Didn't like this signing when it happened and hate it even more now. $14M/year should get you more than .257/6/32. If Drew was a dinosaur, he'd be a Flopasaurus.

Alex Cora

I'll end this with Cora simply because I want to go out on a good note. In a perfect world, he'd be in there over Lugo. But, alas, he'll have to settle for being bench guy extraordinaire. Following a .294 hitting May, he plummeted in June like most of the team to .216. But you can't argue the body of work. On the year he's still at a very respectable .282 and seems to come through for the team more often than not when Tito calls his number.

76 games into the 2007 mlb season: cooch's red sox surprises

sox surprises after 76 games...

okajima. seriously. .80 whip and .96 era. 'nuff said.

pedroia. .322 BA with .396 OBP. i thought for sure the sox made a huge mistake letting loretta go. after hitting .191 in a limited sample in 2006 and starting off poorly at the plate, i thought pedroia would be dead weight.

lugo. wasn't expecting great things from this guy to begin with and i think we both questioned this move when the sox made it, but even a career .333 OBP guy w/ a career .270 BA sinking to a .256 OBP and .191 BA is a pretty far dropoff. still not sure why the sox dumped renteria so quick - despite his "bad" season with the sox, he ended up hitting .276, scoring 100 runs, and had 48 extra base hits.

youk. expected a high OBP and average stats all-around, but he's on pace to set all kinds of career highs (albeit a brief career) in impressive fashion. a .419 OBP and the ability to hit in any spot of the lineup has been invaluable for the sox. guy is making next to nothing for salary and is a legitimate all-star. youk is in the top 10 in several mlb batting categories.

kyle snyder. um, he's having a career year - by far. sporting a 2.67 era after 27+ innings in 24 appearences is 2.50 runs better than his best posted era (5.17) in any season.

beckett. we know what he's capable of. but a 3.07 american league era and a 11-1 record? nearly perfect and frontrunner for cy young.

how about a 10 game lead over 2nd place toronto? what, the yanks are 11 games down after 76 games? amazing, given the yankees' payroll hovering around $200mn...

Red Sox, the running team!

From ESPN.com: SS Julio Lugo stole his 14th base Friday night and has not been caught stealing this season. He is the first Boston player to be successful on his first 14 steal attempts since Leon Culbertson in 1943

--

Trivia... Here's a list of Red Sox stolen base leaders, their stolen base totals, and the Red Sox team totals since 1999...

2006 Coco Crisp, 22 (Team Total: 51)
2005 Johnny Damon, 18 (Team Total: 45)
2004 Damon, 19; Jason Varitek, 10 (Team Total: 68)
2003 Damon, 30; Nomar Garciaparra 19; Damian Jackson 16 (Team Total: 88)
2002 Damon, 31 (Team Total: 80)
2001 Carl Everett, 9 (Team Total: 46)
2000 Everett, 11; Darren Lewis, 10 (Team Total: 43)
1999 Jose Offerman, 18; Lewis, 16; Garciaparra, 14 (Team Total: 67)

The Future Home Run King

***Lavinius and Cooch Profile Pics Updated***

Pure comedy folks. Pure comedy. Cooch's photo is especially funny due to his baseball rooting interest.

Check out the photos. Partake in an hour of drinking beforehand for added effect.

That is all for now.

Karma defined

Woman Hitchhiker steals car, kills self

A Canadian hitchhiker, who stole an elderly man's car after he offered her a ride, died a few minutes later when she lost control of the vehicle and crashed into trees, police said.

The crash happened near the town of Hawkesbury -- about 100 km (60 miles) northeast of Ottawa -- after the man stopped to pick up 20-year-old Mandy Deschambeault.

"The male driver proceeded to step out of his vehicle momentarily at which point the female jumped in the driver seat, stealing the male person's car," local police said in a statement Monday.

"She proceeded to lose control of the ... car, crossing the other lane hitting trees. The female was ejected from the vehicle and found to be without vital signs."

Deschambeault was pronounced dead in hospital.

true. true.

Sox go back-to-back-to-back-to-back!

Sox hit 4 consecutive HRs versus the Yankees tonight... It's the first time the Sox ever hit 4 consecutive HRs - and how sweet that they were against our arch rival?

3rd inning... Manny, J.D. Drew, Mike Lowell, and Varitek versus Yankee pitcher Chase Wright.... SWEEEEEEEET!

p.s. It's Terry Francona's birthday!

Pitcher jerks off then throws 5 scoreless innings

http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2837771


Yanks' Wang throws hitless, scoreless five innings
Associated


TAMPA, Fla. -- Yankees right-hander Chien-Ming Wang didn't allow a hit over five scoreless innings in an extended spring training game Saturday.

Wang
It was Wang's first outing since he hurt his right hamstring while running on March 23. The 19-game winner last season is scheduled to pitch in another minor league game Thursday -- likely with Class-A Tampa -- and might rejoin the Yankees' rotation for a start April 24 at Tampa Bay.

"He's going to pitch one more time here and then we'll see what happens after that," Yankees vice president Billy Connors said. "He's almost right there."

Pitching against Tampa Bay minor leaguers, Wang struck out six and walked one. He threw 35 of 55 pitches for strikes.

"I thought it was very good for the first time out," Connors said. "He did a great job."

Wang struggled with his control early on, walking one and throwing seven of 14 pitches for balls during the first. He then struck out two in each of the next two innings.

"No problems," Wang said. "I felt stronger [each inning]."

Wang will play catch Sunday and is scheduled to have a bullpen session Monday.

Sox Trivia: Wakefield's Service...

RHP Tim Wakefield, who went six innings in his first start Friday, has pitched in 13 consecutive seasons for Boston, matching Bob Stanley (1977-89) and Roger Clemens (1984-96) for the most in team history by pitchers. The only position players with at least 13 years of continuous service in Boston are Carl Yastrzemski (23), Dwight Evans (19) and Jim Rice (16).

Baseball in Maine...

Portland Sea Dogs' season opener postponed due to snow...

One of the coolest names.... Ever....

Who'da guessed this was a black baby?!

birth certificate

R.I.P. D.J.

Former Celtics great Johnson dies at 52
Associated Press Posted

Dennis Johnson, the star NBA guard who was part of three championship teams and combined with Larry Bird in one of the great postseason plays, died Thursday after collapsing at the end of practice while coaching a developmental team. He was 52.

Johnson, coach of the Austin Toros, was unconscious and in cardiac arrest when paramedics arrived at Austin Convention Center, said Warren Hassinger, spokesman for Austin-Travis County Emergency Medical Services.

Paramedics tried to resuscitate him for 23 minutes before he was taken to a hospital and pronounced dead, Hassinger added. Mayra Freeman, a spokeswoman for the medical examiner's office, said there will be autopsy.

The Toros postponed home games Friday and Saturday nights, the NBA Development League said.

Johnson, a five-time All-Star and one of the top defensive guards, was part of the last Boston Celtics dynasty. He spent 14 seasons in the league and retired after the 1989-90 season. He played on title teams with the Celtics in 1984 and 1986 and with the Seattle SuperSonics in 1979, when he was the NBA finals MVP.

"Whether he was leading his teams to NBA championships or teaching young men the meaning of professionalism, Dennis Johnson's contributions to the game went far beyond the basketball court," NBA commissioner David Stern said. "Dennis was a man of extraordinary character with a tremendous passion for the game."

Johnson was a favorite teammate of Bird's, and the two were part of one of the most memorable plays in Celtics history.

During the fifth game of the 1987 Eastern Conference finals against Detroit, Bird stole Isiah Thomas' inbounds pass under Boston's basket and fed Johnson, who drove in for the winning layup. Boston won the series in seven games but lost to the Los Angeles Lakers in the NBA finals.

"Dennis was a great player, one of the best teammates I ever had, and a wonderful person," said Bird, now president of the Indiana Pacers. "My thoughts and condolences are with his family at this difficult time."

Bill Laimbeer, the center on that Pistons team, remembered Johnson as a "great player on a great ballclub." "He played with passion and grit," Laimbeer said. "It was fun to play games like that. You always enjoyed it. It made for not only great games, but great entertainment."

In the 1984 finals, Johnson guarded Magic Johnson effectively in the last four games. In 1985, he hit a last-second jumper against Los Angeles that won the fourth game. In 1986, he was part of a team that featured four Hall of Famers - Bird, Kevin McHale, Robert Parish and Bill Walton.
Johnson had a reputation for delivering in big games.

"I hate to lose," he once said. "I accept it when it comes, but I still hate it. That's the way I am." He averaged 14.1 points and 5.0 assists for his career. When he retired, he was the 11th player in NBA history to total 15,000 points and 5,000 assists. Johnson made one all-NBA first team and one second team. Six times he made the all-defensive first team, including five consecutive seasons (1979-83).

Johnson was born Sept. 18, 1954, in Compton, Calif. He played in college at Pepperdine and was drafted by Seattle in 1976. Johnson was traded to Phoenix in 1980 and Boston in 1983.

Get off the plane!

RIP Anna Nicole

From all of us at the Lavinius and Cooch blogspot...

Breast In Peace