Cooch Goes Off at Indy Speedway!

DATE: JUNE 11, 2005
PLACE: Indianapolis Motor Speedway- Indianapolis, IN

My man Cooch did a solid job of recapping our Indy trip.

But what he didn't tell you was the altercation he had at the Indy Speedway with the inbreds at the front gate.

To set the scene for this little altercation...Cooch and I had just concluded the museum tour. After hitting the gift shop and dropping some coin there, we headed outside to walk around the campus for photo ops. Since there was no official tour of the outer grounds, we were forced to give ourselves a "self tour."

We did this using our best discretion. If we saw signs that said "No Tresspassing", "Keep Out", or "Stay the Fu*k Away Or Get a Verbal Lambasting from our Inbred Staff", we certainly heeded those calls.

For the most part, we didn't wander into forbidden areas. We stayed outside the fenced-in sections of the grounds and took our pics outside the fence.

After our picture-taking, we made our way back to the parking lot. Since the place is rather large, it is easy to lose your sense of direction, and if you're Lavinius and Cooch- master tour guides, it's easy to lose your sense of direction. So on our way back, we had an SUV populated with Speedway staffers follow behind us and spy on us for a good five minutes. After they got the spying out of their system, they pulled along side us and told us we had wandered into forbidden territory, despite no signage indicating otherwise.

About ten minutes prior, we had some dude in a golf cart drive by us to tell us, and a group of people that walked in our vicinity that we weren't allowed in the area, and again, no signage. I guess the folks at the Speedway thought we were mindreaders from Dionne Warwick's Psychic Friends Network.

The motto for most businesses is "the customer comes first." We weren't exactly getting treated like royalty. The red carpet was rolled up and stored away in a closet somewhere.

After several minutes of walking, we finally make it back to the parking lot area. We weren't actually *in* the parking lot, but out on the street which surrounded the parking lot. We wanted to grab another picture of the racetrack before we hit the road. Apparantly this was asking too much, as the two guys manning the front gate signaled for us to go back to the parking lot and to our car.

At this point, Cooch and I became agitated. This was the third time we had been approached. All we wanted was some pictures. We couldn't go five minutes without having some numbnuts tell us to move it along.

So finally, we went to our car. When we got to the front entrance where the aformentioned two guys were stationed, Cooch stopped the car and rolled down the window. I saw where this was going. To the best of my knowledge, Cooch's tirade went something like this:

"We came a long way to be here...you shouldn't treat your customers like that. All we wanted was to take some friggin pictures. And we weren't even allowed to do that. This is fucking bullshit, absolute bullshit to treat your customers like that. I just thought you would like to know." (*rolls window up and drives off*)

There were some other beauties mixed in, which Cooch can fill in if he likes, but that was the jist of it.

Needless to say, Cooch articulated everything I wanted to say, and did it so beautifully. Props to Cooch for having the apples to tell those people something that I'm sure hundreds of visitors didn't have the courage to tell them.

Cooch was right- you just don't treat your visitors like that. A lot of their visitors come from over 1000 miles just to check out their place and plop down hard earned money. The folks at Indy Speedway definitely need a lesson in customer service. It's like they act like it should be a priviledge for their visitors to set foot on their hallowed grounds. Like we should kiss the ground they walk on.

The only thing that should be kissed is our ass!