2005 MLB Midwest Tour Chronicles: Day 2 "I friggin HATE getting up early!"

June 6, 2004
Tage Inn
Manchester, NH

Did I mention I hate getting up early?

When I say that, I'm not talking about 8:00am early. I'm talking getting up at an hour of the morning so early, the roosters are still sleeping. That's exactly what was in store for the Coochman and myself.

We had arranged for a 4:00am wake-up call (which are always fun) as well as set the alarm on the clock/radio the night before to go off at 4:15, just to cover our asses.

Well, I had woken up around 4, but I was still laying in bed half comatose. Whenever I have to get up that early, I milk every single friggin minute of rest until the utters of time run dry.

It had gotten to be 4:05...then 4:10...still no wake-up call from the front desk. Finally, at 4:15 the alarm goes off. This wakes Cooch out of his deep sleep. He then gets out of bed and hits the shower.

While Cooch was in the shower, at 4:23, our wake-up call finally came. They were only 23 minutes late, but it was still much appreciated. NOT!

After I showered up, Cooch and I went downstairs for the hotel's complimentary breakfast. Homefolks (a combination of homeboys and homegirls) at the Tage Inn spared no expense. They had a Belgian Waffle iron along with cups of waffle batter for guests to make their own waffles. At 5:00am, Cooch and I were the first ones down there, and we took full advantage of the waffles. That was some good shizzle.

After downing the waffles, it was time to head to the airport. To our dismay, Mallory the Shuttle wench wasn't working first shift. Cooch and I were hoping she did shuttling 24/7, but she let us down. We just needed that bubbly personality that early in the morning. But the only thing bubbly on Mallory was her ass, belly, and flapjack arms. (Mallory, if you're reading this, I'm only kidding. If you're not, I'm not kidding and mean everything I say. Just to show you how bad I feel, enjoy a few cookies at the front desk...on me).

Fast forward to the flight to Chicago, which was uneventful for the most part. We got in around 7:45 central time. Both our cell phones automatically adjusted the clock to reflect central time, which was effin cool. I don't get out of the eastern time zone too much, so seeing the clock on my phone changing had me awe-struck.

Next order of bidness once we were at Chicago Midway was get our luggage at baggage claim. I think we each had one bag, and if I recall we didn't have to wait long for 'em.

After getting our luggage, it was time to pick up our rental car at Budget, which was located in the airport parking garage. Leave it to our retarded, no navigation skills selves to have trouble finding the fucking thing. We must have walked around in circles three times and went upstairs once or twice for no reason at all. Finally, we came to our senses and asked the chick at the Budget counter where to go, since apparantly her directions didn't register the first time. Half of us mentally was still asleep at the Tage Inn in Manchester.

About a half hour later, we finally found the Budget station in the parking garage, got our car, and from there, we were off to Wisconsin.

Our jaunt to Milwaukee was deathly boring. We got a crash course on what it was like to drive in Wisconsin. If you find miles upon miles of grass fields and farmland interesting, then driving in Wisconsin is for you, but the rest of us...find some other forms of entertainment because the scenery sure ain't gonna give you any.

Eventually, when we regained our bearings, we hit a local mall to get some info on the local attractions. One place we decided to hit was the Harley-Davidson plant about 15 minutes to the north. So that's what we did. It was a pretty cool. We got a narrated tour of the plant. Since it was so loud in there, our tour guide handed out headsets. The guide spoke into a microphone which was supposed to resonate into our headsets, but I could barely pick out a cotdamn thing. I must have gotten the headset from Mars or something. But it was pretty interesting to actually go into the factory where they make Harley's and check out the process that goes into making those kick-ass bikes.

As good as the Harley tour was, it paled in comparison to the one tour I was looking forward to doing in Milwaukee- the Miller Brewing Plant tour.

That tour was solid, even taking into account that our tour was hijacked by Will. When he skipped into the auditorium with his little flower basket by his side and daisy in his hair, my gaydar started going crazy. Not to mention it was a real wood killer considering we had a cute chick leading us into the auditorium for the introductory film on Miller Beer.

Overall, the tour was real good, but it could have done without Richard Simmons' Godson. The best part of the tour was easily the free beer! We claimed our beer in the famed Miller Beer Garden. It's amazing how fresh the beer tastes at the plant versus at the bar or in a restaurant when it's already lost some of its freshness. Cooch and I agreed that the complimentary beer was excellent. Each of us went back for three.

They even offered people a chance to send postcards (postage paid) to people, so Cooch and I cranked out a few posties to peeps back home.

After the tours, we were starving like mofos. We were looking for this one place to eat, but we were never able to find it because the numbering on the street was all fucked up, so we settled on eating at this place nearby on the riverfront. I forgot what it was called, but I had some of the best steak there that I've ever had. Cooch I believe got steak fajitas. He seemed to enjoy his food, too.

After our meal, it was time to head to Miller Park to watch the Yankees and Brewers. To our surprise, we got to see "the Big Unit" Randy Johnson pitch for the Yankees. We had no idea he was pitching because we never checked, but it was a nice surprise. With us being die hard Sox fans, we were rooting for the unit to get shelled like a fucking oyster.

Unit didn't exactly get shelled, but that big ugly bastahd was laboring the entire night. He was over 100 pitches at the end of five innings. Milwaukee had jumped out to a 3-0 lead on him, but the Yankees came back and tied it at 3-3 when Brew Crew starter Doug Davis couldn't find the strike zone all of a sudden.

It stayed tied 3-3 until Junior Spivey jacked a solo shot off the Unit to give the Brewers a 4-3 lead.

Score stayed that way into the 9th. Brewers brought closer Turnbow into the game, who is one of the select few big leaguers sporting a mullet. Someone should tell him the 80's called and they want their mullet back.

Anyway, shit got tense in the 9th. Yanks put a couple of baserunners on with either zero or one out. Looked like they were gonna tie it. But the game ended when the right fielder made a nice running catch on a liner by Jeter. It was a sweet catch that ended up being a Sportscenter Top Play.

What a way to start the trip...seeing the Yankees lose.

The Yankees weren't the only thing to fall in Milwaukee that night. On our way out to our car, which took about an hour to find (Stevie Wonder has better navagational skills), we spot this woman in the parking lot laying unconscious on her back. A guy was kneeling over her trying to get her to come to her senses. When I first saw her, she looked like she was dead. I was getting ready to perform CPR. Cooch asked the guy if he should call for help. Finally the guy got the woman to show signs of life. She said something inaudible and then passed out again. Never seen anything like that in my life. It had to be that Milwaukee beer.

Alright, I'm at that point in the blog that I have to ask a very important question.

Are any of you still reading this? If you are, you've got an attention span the size of Mallory's watermelon asscheeks.

By the time we got in the car, it was 10:30 and time to drive to Bloomington, IL...which was about 200 miles away.

Leave it to us to get lost.

Now, it didn't help that Wisconsin hasn't adapted to 20th century technology of lights on the highway. We got as far as the Illinois border...then we stopped for gas and asked for directions from two different people. Of course, we got two different sets of directions, which isn't a good combination when you have a couple of guys who are navagationally impaired.

Finally...at 2:30am, we got to our hotel in Bloomington. By that time, we had been awake nearly 24 hours!

What a day! It was time for some much needed sleep...