What is this world coming to?

Man charged with having "relations" with cows

Feb 26, 6:09 PM EST

Man Accused of "Putting Meat in Cows' Beef Patties"

LISBON FALLS, ME. (AP) -- A 33-year-old man is charged with sexual gratification with an animal for allegedly having sex with calves.

Cooch, of Lisbon Falls, ME allegedly told police that he routinely stopped at a Topsham farm, usually after bar closing or on trips to strip clubs near Portland or Brunswick.

A criminal complaint filed in Cooch County Circuit Court said the farm's owners installed a motion detector on Jan. 22 after regularly seeing footprints and vehicle tracks on their land. Around 4 a.m. the next morning, a sensor sounded and Cooch was caught leaving the barn, but Cooch allegedly said he just used a bathroom in the barn and had never been there before.

Cooch told police he had sex with heifers before he went into the service in 1991 and resumed about a year ago at the farm. He admitted to using a rope to tie calves around the neck and estimated he had been to the farm "at least 50 times," according to the complaint.

He told police he never had sex with animals (except his cats on occasion) while maintaining a relationship with his belligerent drunk girlfriend or his pizza eating ex-wife, the complaint said.

Cooch also is charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of obstructing an officer. Each charge carries up to nine months in jail.

Cooch is scheduled to appear in court March 10.

Cooch, co-writer with the illustrious Lavinius at laviniusandcooch.blogspot.com, is currently serving 10 years of probation for the incessant harassment of Tanyon Sturze.


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Gives whole new meaning to the term "milk moustache."