Clay Buchholz/Lloyd Christmas separated at birth?

Print it, laminate it, frame it

Clay throws no-hitter in second MLB start!

BOSTON -- For 23-year-old right-hander Clay Buchholz, whose understated Beaumont, Texas, drawl bespeaks a grasp of higher powers, the moment came around the seventh inning of his second Major League start.

"You know when everybody knows what's going on," said Buchholz on Saturday night, still wearing his Red Sox jersey, "and then you look at the scoreboard, and then say, 'Oh, Lord.'"

And so the 6-foot-3 rookie, whose Major League focus matched a singularly dominant repertoire on one historic night, finally noticed a lack of Red Sox sitting near him in the dugout. Then he went out and became only the third pitcher since 1900 to throw a no-hitter in his first or second Major League start.

By completing the 17th no-hitter in Red Sox history, Buchholz accomplished at such an early stage in his career what Roger Clemens, Pedro Martinez and Curt Schilling never did in a Red Sox uniform.

Buchholz struck out nine, walked three and hit a batter as Boston won, 10-0, before 36,819 thrilled fans. And he threw 115 pitches before a workload-leery Red Sox front office, which gleefully celebrated with hugs and fist pumps on the last offering, a 1-2 curveball that froze Nick Markakis.

Buchholz joined Mark Buehrle of the White Sox (April 18) and Justin Verlander of the Tigers (June 12) among the pitchers to throw a no-hitter this season -- all of whom are American Leaguers. He also became the 21st rookie to throw a no-hitter, the first since Florida's Anibal Sanchez on Sept. 6, 2006.

According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Buchholz is the third pitcher since 1900 to throw a no-hitter in his first or second Major League start. Bobo Hollomon threw a no-hitter in his debut on May 6, 1953, for the St. Louis Browns at home against the Philadelphia A's, and Wilson Alvarez did it in his second start on Aug. 11, 1991, for the White Sox at Baltimore.

Considered one of the franchise's top pitching prospects since his arrival as a sandwich pick -- 42nd overall -- out of Angelina College in 2005, compensation for Martinez leaving as a free agent, Buchholz didn't take long to establish himself in the Majors.

For nine innings, Buchholz sparkled among thousands of flashbulbs. He commanded his fastball early, working in a devastating array of offspeed pitches.

After each out, typically the result of a gravity-defying curveball or an immaculately released changeup, the nervous Red Sox rookie nibbled on his glove, enjoying the scene. No later than the seventh inning, the crowd had reached a fever pitch.

Miguel Tejada led off the seventh with a hot shot up the middle. Second baseman Dustin Pedroia dove to his right, stabbing the bounding ball. He turned and threw. Tejada, hurtling headfirst into first, was late.

"To me," Tejada said, "that was the best play they made the whole night."

Buchholz's defensive reputation lags behind the Gold Glove candidate Pedroia's. Nevertheless, he came up with his own top play in the eighth, snaring a Jay Payton rocket on the mound and throwing him out.

Still, Jason Varitek took special care to note the impressive ground that center fielder Coco Crisp covered on a pair of Corey Patterson drives to the outfield gap -- one in the sixth, one in the ninth. That was the most "overlooked" performance, the Sox catcher said.

Answered Crisp, "All the credit goes to [Buchholz]."

"We're back there just trying to make plays for him," Crisp said. "We're his pawns ... and you know, we've got to come up with the plays. That's our job."

The night belonged to Buchholz. When he rang up the final out, a delayed punchout that sent the crowd and the home dugout into a frenzy, the Red Sox spilled onto the field, forming a bounding huddle around the rookie pitcher.

Crisp and third baseman Mike Lowell expressed disappointment that David Ortiz -- "camera hog," Lowell called Big Papi -- beat them to the punch.

"You're rooting for him," Lowell said. "You're absolutely rooting for him."

After the game, Crisp ticked off the many ways in which Buchholz took control.

"He was able to stay focused," he said, "and not allow too many hard-hit balls. And the ones that were hit stayed up in the air."

Perhaps most importantly, Crisp said, on a night when he began the fifth and sixth by walking leadoff men -- "a couple of big innings that can throw a pitcher off" -- Buchholz "was able to relax, go back out there, take a couple of deep breaths at times and stay in his rhythm."

Before the game, Red Sox manager Terry Francona spoke of a letdown in Buchholz's Triple-A performance after he made his Major League debut on Aug. 17. For two weeks, the prospect shuttled across upstate New York, losing his next two starts as a member of the Pawtucket Red Sox.

But, Francona added, "I think we still love this kid to death. And we're excited for a chance to run him out there and see how he does."

Kevin Youkilis added a three-run home run to the cause. Still, the Red Sox's 10-run outburst and the circumstances of the effort -- the Yankees won in the afternoon, staying five games back in the AL East -- remained secondary to Buchholz's singular brilliance.

"I don't even have a word for it," Buchholz said.



CONGRATS CLAY! You're serving the Lavinius Mancrush population proud!

Clay Buchholz throws no-hitter in 2nd major league start!

• 17th no-hitter in Red Sox history; 11th at Fenway
• First Red Sox rookie to throw a no-hitter
• Only the third player in MLB history to throw a no-hitter in their first or second start. (Bobo Hollomon did it in his first start on May 6, 1953, for the St. Louis Browns at home against the Philadelphia Athletics, and Wilson Alvarez did it in his second start on Aug. 11, 1991, for the Chicago White Sox at Baltimore.)

[box score]

No wonder he's Lavinius' Mancrush v.2!!!!

the next clutch hit j.d. drew has this season...

... will be his first.

Papelbon...

Is the first reliever in Sox history to post consecutive 30+ save seasons. Seriously, nobody else in Sox history has done this?!

Solid work on the license plates, Cooch

That New York one might be a long lost relative.

A little Sunshine State representation...



Bwahahahahahahaha!

BEST. PLATE. EVER.

runner-up:

The King of All Beatdowns

October 7, 1916

Georgia Tech 222, Cumberland 0

Re-live the ass mauling here

Put this in the all-time "cheap save" category...

despite winning by 27 runs over the lowly baltimore orioles, texas rangers reliever wes littleton was actually credited with a save!!!!! BWAHAHAHHAH

box score

Texas Rangers put an old-fashioned beating on the Baltimore Orioles...

BALTIMORE (AP) -- The Texas Rangers became the first team in 110 years to score 30 runs in a game, setting an American League record Wednesday in a 30-3 rout of the Baltimore Orioles.

full story

This pounding occurred just hours after the Orioles re-signed interim manager Dave Tremblay... Welcome to Baltimore, Dave!

'Michael Vick's Dog-Walking Service' Grand Opening to be Postponed...

... at least 12-18 months....

Vick accepts plea deal

"Pottery" Buchholz wins major league debut; Gagne taints the day

On this date of August 17 in the year 2007, Clay "Pottery" Buchholz (aka Mancrush V.2) made his big league debut for the Red Sox against American League power the LA Angels of Anaheim. This came after much poking and prodding on Lavinius' behalf to get this kid to the majors.

Several keystrokes later, Lavinius' efforts proved fruitful. Clay got the call-up, and Lavinius was a happy man.

As luck would have it, Lavinius would be out of his homestead for this milestone event as he was at Tire Kingdom getting his tires balanced. While waiting for the tire balancing to conclude, he consulted his good friend Cooch via text messaging to try and get a status report. Upon receiving the text, Cooch's subsequent response would indicate utter flaborgastment:

"You near your email?"

At this point I'm thinking, "dude, if I was, would I be texting you?" Me being the consummate ball-buster, I replied back with:

"Would I be asking you if I was? You're killing me dude (*winkface*)"

Cooch was very tolerant of Lavinius' wiseassery.

"Thought so! Decent outing but far from great. Hitters caught up to him the second time around. Eleven guys on base over six. Given the lineup and the circumsanc"

another text comes in...

"es i'd give him a b-plus"

Lavinius was pleased with this news. I then wanted to find out more information, such as runs allowed and K's.

"Three earned runs and three walks. Eight hits and five strike outs."

Lavinius thought that was pretty fucking solid against a team with the offensive talents of the Halos. The five K's in six innings was especially pleasing to see. Cooch told me he has a nasty changeup. At that point, I couldn't want to get out of Tire Kingdom and back to Casa Lavinius to view highlights from this game.

Hours later, highlights of his performance were posted on the Red Sox official site. From there, mouse clickage took place, followed by a double-click to make Windows Media Player full-screen mode, and on the monitor of my IBM Thinkpad was none other than the man himself. My eyes were treated to an assortment of sick changeups that fell straight off a table. They would appear to be fastballs to the hitters' eyes, only to sharply dart groundward at the very last moment. Cooch speaketh the trutheth about his changeup. The rumors of it being more filthy than Paris Hilton are 100% true. Only difference is Clay's changeups don't need a Valtrex prescription.

At the end of game one, the Sox emerged victorious by a score of 8-4. Mancrush V.2 beats one of the top pitchers in the AL, John Lackey, in his major league debut. Good times. Good times.

Unfortunately, Clay would be used and discarded like a cheap whore. He was sent down to Pawtucket after the game.

Hours later, game two of the doubleheader took place. As luck would have it, Mancrush V.1 (Josh Beckett, as if I had to specify) would be working that game. What are the odds that Mancrush V.2 would be making his ML debut working a doubleheader with Mancrush V.1? It had to have been fate. Either that, or some higher power likes Lavinius.

Beckett once again turned in a studly outing: 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 K's but left with his team trailing 2-1. The score would balloon to 4-1 going into the bottom of the 8th inning and it looked like once again my boy would be hit with a tough luck loss. Fortunately, Papi Grande and Manuel Ramirez made sure this wouldn't happen. Clutch hits by both made the score 5-4 Sox going into the 9th.

With Papelbon working the first game, Sox manager Theresa Francona elected to go with enigmatic rotund Canadian Frenchman Eric Gagne. If there was one man in Fenway that had a chance to play wood-killer, it was Gagne (or Gag-me). Sure enough, the fucker implodes in the 9th inning, allowing three runs to cross. It was the third such lead Gagne has blown in a week in his brief, painful Red Sox tenure. Fenway justly boos the ever-loving shit out of him following yet another implosion. For a guy that was supposed to bolster the bullpen, the only thing he's done is bolster the opposing teams' chance of winning. Thanks, Theo. Thanks, Tito. Thanks, Gagme. You all suck. Theo, for trading for him. Tito, for continuing to put him in the game. And Gagne, for costing the Red Sox valuable games in the standings. The Sox are probably 8.5 games up if they don't make any trades.

On a day that had the potential to be a primo nut buster, Gagne pisses on everybody's parade.

Red Sox Runners, Redux

With Lugo and Crisp both reaching 20 stolen bases this year, it's the first time a pair of Red Sox have stolen 20 or more bags in a season since 1968, when Joe Foy and Reggie Smith had 26 and 22 stolen bases, respectively.

George Bush's anal adventures

Cooch: do we need a play by play of bush's anal adventures? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19872260/

Lavinius: The whole irony in this is Bush saw his polyps before his doctors. :)

7-11 is National Slurpee Day!

Lavinius hereby declares today, July 11th, National Slurpee Day. Go out and enjoy a refreshing one today! My cherry coke slurpee awaits shortly.

And for those fans of the lavinius and cooch diary (all 5 of you, thanks mom and dad), print off this blog entry and receive 25 cents off your 32 oz slurpee! It truly is a deal you can't pass up.

George Carlin quotes

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Women like silent men, they think they're listening.

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Lavinius on a recent trip to Mexico

Joshua Patrick Beckett at the all-star break...

W-L: 12-2
ERA: 3.44
WHIP: 1.14
IP: 102
H: 95
ER: 39
HR: 6
BB: 21
SO: 92

That's ma' boy!!!

HALFWAY HOME! Lavinius's First-Half Surprises

Hideki Okajima

I'll be honest, what this guy has done has not only surpassed my expectations, but blew by them at the speed of sound.

We all know Papelbon is as good as money in the 9th inning. Well, the Sox and their fans now have a guy who's as good as money in the 8th inning. His numbers on the year:

2-0, 0.88 ERA, 0.78 WHIP, 41 IP, 22 H, 4 ER, 1 HR, 10 BB, 37 K

And here we thought all the buzz was going to be for the other Japanese signing.

Dustin Pedroia

Nobody has enjoyed the meteoric rise this Sox second baseman has enjoyed over the past two plus months.

On May 1, the little bugger was languishing with a .172 BA and presumably left for dead and questioned by many whether or not he was ready for the big league level.

Since then, he's hit a scorching .371 (62 for 167) to bring his season avg alllllllll the way up to .320. On top of that, his OBP has jumped over 100 points from .294 to .401.

He has emerged as a surprise catalyst for this team and a much-needed one while the team's $9M/year darling dud Julio Lugo tries to break the Mendoza line himself. Pedroia's resurrection from the dead would make Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers proud (not the one in Cooch's profile pic).

Kevin Youkilis

Yooooooooouk! has had a monster first half for the Old Town team and is well on his way to his best single season of his young career. He's always been an on-base machine and this year is proving no exception. He checks in with a .420 mark in that category. But what's more impressive is he's got the high BA to match. His .329 avg is good for 8th in the American League and is currently 50 points higher than his career-best .279 average set last season.

Mike Lowell

Gotta throw him in there simply because of the power numbers. Currently he's on pace for a 23-25 HR season and 105-110 RBI. Not bad for a guy that some deem washed up. If he stays on pace, he'll threaten his second-most productive HR season (27) set in 2004 and his best RBI season (105) set in 2003.

Want more? His .293 avg puts him right at his career best which he achieved in 2004, and the guy is still one of the top doubles hitters in the MLB today. He's on pace for over 40 doubles once again.

Josh Beckett

Gotta throw some love at my Lifetime Mancrush Award. I had a feeling the breakout season was gonna happen this year. And thus far, he has not disappointed. How about 11-2, 3.38 ERA, and a WHIP at a buck-ten? Want more? How about a 4.15 KK/BB ratio? His previous best was a 2.86. How 'bout a 1.88 BB/9 ratio? His previous best was 2.92.

He did come down to earth a little bit in June, but all great pitchers have down months in a six month season, and even with that, it wasn't terrible.

He has a shot along with Dan Haren to be the starter for the AL in the All-Star game.

Julian Tavarez

The hot-tempered SP/RP hybrid has given the team some much-needed stability in the back end of the rotation. He's not going to be in contention for the Cy Young, but he's given the team several quality starts and more often than not has given the Sox a chance to win when he takes the mound.

David Ortiz/Manny Ramirez

Power outage, anyone? 13 HRs from Papi and 11 from Manny wasn't exactly something I was expecting as we close in on the all-star break.

Julio Lugo

I think this about sums it up:

@#%&*%#@!&$%#@

Still wondering why the Sox didn't just re-sign Orlando Cabrera after '04 instead of going through shortstops like Michael Jackson goes through little boys.

J.D. Drew

Didn't like this signing when it happened and hate it even more now. $14M/year should get you more than .257/6/32. If Drew was a dinosaur, he'd be a Flopasaurus.

Alex Cora

I'll end this with Cora simply because I want to go out on a good note. In a perfect world, he'd be in there over Lugo. But, alas, he'll have to settle for being bench guy extraordinaire. Following a .294 hitting May, he plummeted in June like most of the team to .216. But you can't argue the body of work. On the year he's still at a very respectable .282 and seems to come through for the team more often than not when Tito calls his number.

76 games into the 2007 mlb season: cooch's red sox surprises

sox surprises after 76 games...

okajima. seriously. .80 whip and .96 era. 'nuff said.

pedroia. .322 BA with .396 OBP. i thought for sure the sox made a huge mistake letting loretta go. after hitting .191 in a limited sample in 2006 and starting off poorly at the plate, i thought pedroia would be dead weight.

lugo. wasn't expecting great things from this guy to begin with and i think we both questioned this move when the sox made it, but even a career .333 OBP guy w/ a career .270 BA sinking to a .256 OBP and .191 BA is a pretty far dropoff. still not sure why the sox dumped renteria so quick - despite his "bad" season with the sox, he ended up hitting .276, scoring 100 runs, and had 48 extra base hits.

youk. expected a high OBP and average stats all-around, but he's on pace to set all kinds of career highs (albeit a brief career) in impressive fashion. a .419 OBP and the ability to hit in any spot of the lineup has been invaluable for the sox. guy is making next to nothing for salary and is a legitimate all-star. youk is in the top 10 in several mlb batting categories.

kyle snyder. um, he's having a career year - by far. sporting a 2.67 era after 27+ innings in 24 appearences is 2.50 runs better than his best posted era (5.17) in any season.

beckett. we know what he's capable of. but a 3.07 american league era and a 11-1 record? nearly perfect and frontrunner for cy young.

how about a 10 game lead over 2nd place toronto? what, the yanks are 11 games down after 76 games? amazing, given the yankees' payroll hovering around $200mn...