In desperate need of a third starter, Theo calls Marlins GM Larry Beinfest asking about Dontrelle Willis

Theo: (*hits up Larry Beinfest on speed dial*)

(*ring*, *ring*)

Beinfest: (*looks at caller ID*)

Beinfest: (*picks up phone*) Yo, Theo! Why am I not shocked to be hearing from you?

Theo: I don't know, why aren't you?

Beinfest: Uh, Theo, that was a rhetorical question.

Theo: (*long pause*) Uh, yeah, I knew that.

Beinfest: Anyway, you interested in stealing some more of my players...I mean making a trade?

Theo: Yeah Larry. We're interested in Dontrelle.

Beinfest: He's off the market.

Theo: (under breath) I heard that one before. (/under breath)

Beinfest: What was that?

Theo: Oh, nothing.

Beinfest: We have no interest in trading Dontrelle.
(under breath) Geez isn't Beckett enough? Fuck take Josh Johnson and Scott Olsen while you're at it. (/under breath)

Theo: No, obviously Beckett is not enough otherwise I wouldn't be calling you again.

Beinfest: Geez Theo, can't you let us enjoy the few players we have left
worth a wet turd in peace?

Theo: Sorry, can't do that. In case you haven't noticed, we're trying to beat the Yankees here. Unlike you we're actually *trying* to win.

Beinfest: Hey go fuck yourself you Cooch guitar playing wannabee!

Theo: Look, this is gay. Just tell me what you'd want for Dontrelle if he were on the market.

Beinfest: Well, Jon Lester is a good starting point.

Theo: Okay, who else?

Beinfest: And Hansen.

Theo: (under breath) shit (/under breath)

Beinfest: I'm sorry?

Theo: (disgusted) Lester and Hansen? (/disgusted)

Beinfest: Yup

Theo: You gotta be fucking shitting me

Beinfest: Dude, we're not gonna just *give* a 20 game winner who was second in the Cy Young voting last year and is just 23 years old making shiznit for a salary...away for free.

Theo: (*sigh*) Fine, let me sleep on it, ok?

Beinfest: Do what chu gotta do, Epstine (the "stine" pronounced like "wine")

Theo: Peace out Larry

Beinfest: Hey, thanks for Hanley!!!

Beinfest: (*click*)

Theo: (under breath) motherfucker... (/underbreath)

Theo: (*click*)