Regarding the unreliability of Thick's main e-mail source

Thick: “hotmail is about as reliable as a lambskin condom on an aids victim.”

Discussing the history of ineptitude by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Lavinius: Check this out dude, true story. Hal McRae (Tampa Bay’s current Manager) went to a Chinese restaurant the other night. When the waiter handed him his fortune cookie at the end of the meal, McRae cracked it open, pulled out the fortune, and it said "Contraction."

Thick: you know, i don't see why tampon bay isn't on the top of that contraction list. they've contributed absolutely nothing since their inception. they've been perennial suckhouses… they fucking suck and they should be fucking abolished like child porn in a catholic priest's office.

General Nonsense

Thick: "hi, my name is thick. i used to like alyssa milano - when she was 12. and, i can't wait till the olsen twins turn 18."

On Tony Clark’s struggle with the Red Sox in 2002

Lavinius: Tony Clark is so bad he couldn't reach first base with a prostitute!

On Mike Hampton’s poor performance against the Yankees...

On Mike Hampton’s poor performance against the Yankees, which Colorado lost 20-10 (June 19, 2002). When Hampton left the game, Colorado was winning 8-7.

lavinius: Dude, you never told me there was a football game last night. Fucking Jets beat the Broncos 20-10 last night at Coors....

cooch: no shit. hampton pitched 5 innings of relatively low-scoring ball, only giving up 7 runs... had the bullpen hung on...

Anna Nicole is to XM...

Thick and Lavinius are always going back and forth about XMSR stock. In this installment, they compare the company to model-turned-heffer Anna Nicole Smith

Thick: xmsr's bouncing like anna nicole's jugs on the treadmill...

Lavinius: And since when does Anna Nicole go on a treadmill?

Thick: rarely... only if there's a cheeseburger on the control panel...

Lavinius: . . . only if a dozen Dunkin' Donuts are waiting for her when she gets off.

Thick: ... and if the treadmill's power is not on!