Cooch: do we need a play by play of bush's anal adventures? http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19872260/
Lavinius: The whole irony in this is Bush saw his polyps before his doctors. :)
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
7-11 is National Slurpee Day!
Lavinius hereby declares today, July 11th, National Slurpee Day. Go out and enjoy a refreshing one today! My cherry coke slurpee awaits shortly.
And for those fans of the lavinius and cooch diary (all 5 of you, thanks mom and dad), print off this blog entry and receive 25 cents off your 32 oz slurpee! It truly is a deal you can't pass up.
And for those fans of the lavinius and cooch diary (all 5 of you, thanks mom and dad), print off this blog entry and receive 25 cents off your 32 oz slurpee! It truly is a deal you can't pass up.
Monday, July 09, 2007
George Carlin quotes
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.
"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
Why is the man (or woman) who invests all your money called a broker?
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
Friday, July 06, 2007
Joshua Patrick Beckett at the all-star break...
W-L: 12-2
ERA: 3.44
WHIP: 1.14
IP: 102
H: 95
ER: 39
HR: 6
BB: 21
SO: 92
That's ma' boy!!!
ERA: 3.44
WHIP: 1.14
IP: 102
H: 95
ER: 39
HR: 6
BB: 21
SO: 92
That's ma' boy!!!
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
HALFWAY HOME! Lavinius's First-Half Surprises
Hideki Okajima
I'll be honest, what this guy has done has not only surpassed my expectations, but blew by them at the speed of sound.
We all know Papelbon is as good as money in the 9th inning. Well, the Sox and their fans now have a guy who's as good as money in the 8th inning. His numbers on the year:
2-0, 0.88 ERA, 0.78 WHIP, 41 IP, 22 H, 4 ER, 1 HR, 10 BB, 37 K
And here we thought all the buzz was going to be for the other Japanese signing.
Dustin Pedroia
Nobody has enjoyed the meteoric rise this Sox second baseman has enjoyed over the past two plus months.
On May 1, the little bugger was languishing with a .172 BA and presumably left for dead and questioned by many whether or not he was ready for the big league level.
Since then, he's hit a scorching .371 (62 for 167) to bring his season avg alllllllll the way up to .320. On top of that, his OBP has jumped over 100 points from .294 to .401.
He has emerged as a surprise catalyst for this team and a much-needed one while the team's $9M/year darling dud Julio Lugo tries to break the Mendoza line himself. Pedroia's resurrection from the dead would make Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers proud (not the one in Cooch's profile pic).
Kevin Youkilis
Yooooooooouk! has had a monster first half for the Old Town team and is well on his way to his best single season of his young career. He's always been an on-base machine and this year is proving no exception. He checks in with a .420 mark in that category. But what's more impressive is he's got the high BA to match. His .329 avg is good for 8th in the American League and is currently 50 points higher than his career-best .279 average set last season.
Mike Lowell
Gotta throw him in there simply because of the power numbers. Currently he's on pace for a 23-25 HR season and 105-110 RBI. Not bad for a guy that some deem washed up. If he stays on pace, he'll threaten his second-most productive HR season (27) set in 2004 and his best RBI season (105) set in 2003.
Want more? His .293 avg puts him right at his career best which he achieved in 2004, and the guy is still one of the top doubles hitters in the MLB today. He's on pace for over 40 doubles once again.
Josh Beckett
Gotta throw some love at my Lifetime Mancrush Award. I had a feeling the breakout season was gonna happen this year. And thus far, he has not disappointed. How about 11-2, 3.38 ERA, and a WHIP at a buck-ten? Want more? How about a 4.15 KK/BB ratio? His previous best was a 2.86. How 'bout a 1.88 BB/9 ratio? His previous best was 2.92.
He did come down to earth a little bit in June, but all great pitchers have down months in a six month season, and even with that, it wasn't terrible.
He has a shot along with Dan Haren to be the starter for the AL in the All-Star game.
Julian Tavarez
The hot-tempered SP/RP hybrid has given the team some much-needed stability in the back end of the rotation. He's not going to be in contention for the Cy Young, but he's given the team several quality starts and more often than not has given the Sox a chance to win when he takes the mound.
David Ortiz/Manny Ramirez
Power outage, anyone? 13 HRs from Papi and 11 from Manny wasn't exactly something I was expecting as we close in on the all-star break.
Julio Lugo
I think this about sums it up:
@#%&*%#@!&$%#@
Still wondering why the Sox didn't just re-sign Orlando Cabrera after '04 instead of going through shortstops like Michael Jackson goes through little boys.
J.D. Drew
Didn't like this signing when it happened and hate it even more now. $14M/year should get you more than .257/6/32. If Drew was a dinosaur, he'd be a Flopasaurus.
Alex Cora
I'll end this with Cora simply because I want to go out on a good note. In a perfect world, he'd be in there over Lugo. But, alas, he'll have to settle for being bench guy extraordinaire. Following a .294 hitting May, he plummeted in June like most of the team to .216. But you can't argue the body of work. On the year he's still at a very respectable .282 and seems to come through for the team more often than not when Tito calls his number.
I'll be honest, what this guy has done has not only surpassed my expectations, but blew by them at the speed of sound.
We all know Papelbon is as good as money in the 9th inning. Well, the Sox and their fans now have a guy who's as good as money in the 8th inning. His numbers on the year:
2-0, 0.88 ERA, 0.78 WHIP, 41 IP, 22 H, 4 ER, 1 HR, 10 BB, 37 K
And here we thought all the buzz was going to be for the other Japanese signing.
Dustin Pedroia
Nobody has enjoyed the meteoric rise this Sox second baseman has enjoyed over the past two plus months.
On May 1, the little bugger was languishing with a .172 BA and presumably left for dead and questioned by many whether or not he was ready for the big league level.
Since then, he's hit a scorching .371 (62 for 167) to bring his season avg alllllllll the way up to .320. On top of that, his OBP has jumped over 100 points from .294 to .401.
He has emerged as a surprise catalyst for this team and a much-needed one while the team's $9M/year darling dud Julio Lugo tries to break the Mendoza line himself. Pedroia's resurrection from the dead would make Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers proud (not the one in Cooch's profile pic).
Kevin Youkilis
Yooooooooouk! has had a monster first half for the Old Town team and is well on his way to his best single season of his young career. He's always been an on-base machine and this year is proving no exception. He checks in with a .420 mark in that category. But what's more impressive is he's got the high BA to match. His .329 avg is good for 8th in the American League and is currently 50 points higher than his career-best .279 average set last season.
Mike Lowell
Gotta throw him in there simply because of the power numbers. Currently he's on pace for a 23-25 HR season and 105-110 RBI. Not bad for a guy that some deem washed up. If he stays on pace, he'll threaten his second-most productive HR season (27) set in 2004 and his best RBI season (105) set in 2003.
Want more? His .293 avg puts him right at his career best which he achieved in 2004, and the guy is still one of the top doubles hitters in the MLB today. He's on pace for over 40 doubles once again.
Josh Beckett
Gotta throw some love at my Lifetime Mancrush Award. I had a feeling the breakout season was gonna happen this year. And thus far, he has not disappointed. How about 11-2, 3.38 ERA, and a WHIP at a buck-ten? Want more? How about a 4.15 KK/BB ratio? His previous best was a 2.86. How 'bout a 1.88 BB/9 ratio? His previous best was 2.92.
He did come down to earth a little bit in June, but all great pitchers have down months in a six month season, and even with that, it wasn't terrible.
He has a shot along with Dan Haren to be the starter for the AL in the All-Star game.
Julian Tavarez
The hot-tempered SP/RP hybrid has given the team some much-needed stability in the back end of the rotation. He's not going to be in contention for the Cy Young, but he's given the team several quality starts and more often than not has given the Sox a chance to win when he takes the mound.
David Ortiz/Manny Ramirez
Power outage, anyone? 13 HRs from Papi and 11 from Manny wasn't exactly something I was expecting as we close in on the all-star break.
Julio Lugo
I think this about sums it up:
@#%&*%#@!&$%#@
Still wondering why the Sox didn't just re-sign Orlando Cabrera after '04 instead of going through shortstops like Michael Jackson goes through little boys.
J.D. Drew
Didn't like this signing when it happened and hate it even more now. $14M/year should get you more than .257/6/32. If Drew was a dinosaur, he'd be a Flopasaurus.
Alex Cora
I'll end this with Cora simply because I want to go out on a good note. In a perfect world, he'd be in there over Lugo. But, alas, he'll have to settle for being bench guy extraordinaire. Following a .294 hitting May, he plummeted in June like most of the team to .216. But you can't argue the body of work. On the year he's still at a very respectable .282 and seems to come through for the team more often than not when Tito calls his number.
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