Satellite Radio

Thick is a major advocate of satellite radio stocks, specifically XM and Sirius. He bought 1,300 shares of Sirius (SIRI) at 86 cents per share. He told Lavinius that if either XM or Sirius went to $20-30/share, he’d buy him lunch. A few hours after his purchase, the shares went up 7 cents to 93 cents...

[editor's note: siri's trading at about $5.50 now and XM's above $30. 02/23/05]

Lavinius: Dude, you're up 7 cents a share on SIRI. You're up $91 not including
commission! SELL SELL SELL! That's lunch money right there! Get me a big
bacon classic and a small chili...

Thick: this shit is bouncing like a whore's ass on dollar night!

Lavinius: That shit is going up more than Mo Vaughn's cholesterol!

Thick: Higher than Darryl Strawberry!

Lavinius: Higher than Steve Howe after a blown save...

Thick: higher than steve howe after a blown nasal cavity...

Lavinius: That's shit going higher than silicon at the playboy mansion.
Higher than a Sox fan's blood pressure.
And last but not least...
Higher than Michael Irvin in a Dallas hotel room!

Is that a cow? Or a Vagina?

In the spirit of Halloween, Lavinius sent Thick a picture of the best Halloween costume of all time. It was a boy dressed up as a hairy vagina...

Thick: at first i thought that was a cow! i've seen so many in vermont that look like that!!!

Lavinius: What....cows or vaginas?

Thick: both!!!

HoTMaiL Sucks

OK, it’s been established that Hotmail is one sorry-ass form of communication. However, I think the latest opinion by Lavinius most accurately describes the ineptitude of this piss-poor free service

Lavinius: Snail mail and hotmail have something in common. With both methods of communication, you receive mail in three days.

Thick: muhfuckah is on a rollllllll! yet another one for the diary. dude, hotmail blows worse than a teenage virgin with braces, but sometimes it's the only option you've got...

On how deep the St. Louis Rams will be the upcoming season

Thick: in my opinion, their wide receiving corps got BETTER by losing az hakim and gaining terrence wilkins. wilkins has got much better hands and will do better as the #3 receiver. they've got speed and talent and tons of depth at WR. bruce, holt, wilkins, proehl, and that eric crouch muhfuckah. talent galore.

these guys are deeper than marilyn chambers's pie-hole!!!

Regarding the unreliability of Thick's main e-mail source

Thick: “hotmail is about as reliable as a lambskin condom on an aids victim.”

Discussing the history of ineptitude by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays

Lavinius: Check this out dude, true story. Hal McRae (Tampa Bay’s current Manager) went to a Chinese restaurant the other night. When the waiter handed him his fortune cookie at the end of the meal, McRae cracked it open, pulled out the fortune, and it said "Contraction."

Thick: you know, i don't see why tampon bay isn't on the top of that contraction list. they've contributed absolutely nothing since their inception. they've been perennial suckhouses… they fucking suck and they should be fucking abolished like child porn in a catholic priest's office.

General Nonsense

Thick: "hi, my name is thick. i used to like alyssa milano - when she was 12. and, i can't wait till the olsen twins turn 18."

On Tony Clark’s struggle with the Red Sox in 2002

Lavinius: Tony Clark is so bad he couldn't reach first base with a prostitute!

On Mike Hampton’s poor performance against the Yankees...

On Mike Hampton’s poor performance against the Yankees, which Colorado lost 20-10 (June 19, 2002). When Hampton left the game, Colorado was winning 8-7.

lavinius: Dude, you never told me there was a football game last night. Fucking Jets beat the Broncos 20-10 last night at Coors....

cooch: no shit. hampton pitched 5 innings of relatively low-scoring ball, only giving up 7 runs... had the bullpen hung on...