Thursday, June 05, 2008

tampon bay rays...

have more career brawls-started than wins...


jonny gomes and carl crawford are fucking low-life cheap-shot artists, throwing punches at coco crisp as crisp is buried in the pile (gomes cheap-shot pictured here).




tambon bay = perennial douche bags

welcome back, celtics...

nice porn 'stache

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Congrats Manny!

Attaining 500 home runs over a career is no small feat. He went ahead and blasted #501 for good measure the following game.

IMHO one of the more underrated hitters of this era. He consistently flied under the radar of Bonds and A-Rod. With Bonds currently out of the game, and A-Rod acting like a diva, Manny is finally starting to be recognized for being the hitter that he is.

Talk about a case of the runs...

WARNING: May cause vomiting or upset stomach.

Link

Friday, May 30, 2008

cooch called it over a month ago

rajon rondo... errrr, faceguarding...

BWAHAHHAHAHH!

never let up...

great choice of words

the refs in the the celtics/pistons series...

... have sucked donkey cock.
... and have been as consistent as:

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Red Sox Name Change


The Boston Red Sox have decided to change their name when playing road games. They will now be called the Red Sux.

21-5 at home. 11-19 on the road.

p.s. The home/road disparity is analogous to the Boston Celtics' 2008 postseason home/road performance.

Manu Ginobili announces retirement. Cites financial reasons

The NBA to fine for flopping

The NBA announced to its teams this week at its annual pre-draft camp that fines will be imposed on players starting next season for clear cases of "flopping,"

NBA executive vice president of basketball operations Stu Jackson confirmed the new policy Wednesday night saying: "What was clearly expressed to the committee is that we would begin imposing fines next season for the most egregious type of flops. When players are taking a dive, for lack of a better term."

Monday, May 26, 2008

10 Things to Remember About Memorial Day

[stolen from here]

Memorial Day is more than just a three-day weekend and a chance to get the year’s first sunburn. Here’s a handy 10-pack of facts to give the holiday some perspective.

1. It started with the Civil War

Memorial Day was a response to the unprecedented carnage of the Civil War, in which some 620,000 soldiers on both sides died. The loss of life and its effect on communities throughout the North and South led to spontaneous commemorations of the dead:

• In 1864, women from Boalsburg, Pa., put flowers on the graves of their dead from the just-fought Battle of Gettysburg. The next year, a group of women decorated the graves of soldiers buried in a Vicksburg, Miss., cemetery.

• In April 1866, women from Columbus, Miss., laid flowers on the graves of both Union and Confederate soldiers. It was recognized at the time as an act of healing sectional wounds. In the same month, up in Carbondale, Ill., 219 Civil War veterans marched through town in memory of the fallen to Woodlawn Cemetery, where Union hero Maj. Gen. John A. Logan delivered the principal address. The ceremony gave Carbondale its claim to the first organized, community-wide Memorial Day observance.

• Waterloo, N.Y., began holding an annual community service on May 5, 1866. Although many towns claimed the title, it was Waterloo that won congressional recognition as the “birthplace of Memorial Day.”

2. General Logan made it official

logan.jpgGen. Logan, the speaker at the Carbondale gathering, also was commander of the Grand Army of the Republic, an organization of Union veterans. On May 5, 1868, he issued General Orders No. 11, which set aside May 30, 1868, “for the purpose of strewing with flowers, or otherwise decorating the graves of comrades who died in defense of their country during the late rebellion….”

The orders expressed hope that the observance would be “kept up from year to year while a survivor of the war remains to honor the memory of his departed comrades.”

3. It was first known as Decoration Day

From the practice of decorating graves with flowers, wreaths and flags, the holiday was long known as Decoration Day. The name Memorial Day goes back to 1882, but the older name didn’t disappear until after World War II. Federal law declared “Memorial Day” the official name in 1967.

4. The holiday is a franchise

Calling Memorial Day a “national holiday” is a bit of a misnomer. While there are 11 “federal holidays” created by Congress—including Memorial Day—they apply only to Federal employees and the District of Columbia. Federal Memorial Day, established in 1888, allowed Civil War veterans, many of whom were drawing a government paycheck, to honor their fallen comrades with out being docked a day’s pay.

For the rest of us, our holidays were enacted state by state. New York was the first state to designate Memorial Day a legal holiday, in 1873. Most Northern states had followed suit by the 1890s. The states of the former Confederacy were unenthusiastic about a holiday memorializing those who, in Gen. Logan’s words, “united to suppress the late rebellion.” The South didn’t adopt the May 30 Memorial Day until after World War I, by which time its purpose had been broadened to include those who died in all the country’s wars.

In 1971, the Monday Holiday Law shifted Memorial Day from May 30, to the last Monday of the month.

5. It was James Garfield’s finest hour—or maybe hour-and-a-half

On May 30, 1868, President Ulysses S. Grant presided over the first Memorial Day ceremony at Arlington National Cemetery—which, until 1864, was Confederate Gen. Robert E. Lee’s plantation.

Some 5,000 people attended on a spring day which, The New York Times reported, was “somewhat too warm for comfort.” The principal speaker was James A. Garfield, a Civil War general, Republican congressman from Ohio and future president.

“I am oppressed with a sense of the impropriety of uttering words on this occasion,” Garfield began, and then continued to utter them. “If silence is ever golden, it must be beside the graves of fifteen-thousand men, whose lives were more significant than speech, and whose death was a poem the music of which can never be sung.” It went on like that for pages and pages.

As the songs, speeches and sermons ended, the participants helped to decorate the graves of the Union and Confederate soldiers buried in the cemetery.

6. God knows, not even the Unknown Soldier can avoid media scrutiny these days

unknown-soldier.jpg“Here rests in honored glory an American soldier known but to God.” That is the inscription on the Tomb of the Unknowns, established at Arlington National Cemetery to inter the remains of the first Unknown Soldier, a World War I fighter, on Nov. 11, 1921. Unknown soldiers from World War II and the Korean War subsequently were interred in the tomb on Memorial Day 1958.

An emotional President Ronald Reagan presided over the interment of six bones, the remains of an unidentified Vietnam War soldier, on Nov. 28, 1984. Fourteen years later, those remains were disinterred, no longer unknown. Spurred by an investigation by CBS News, the defense department removed the remains from the Tomb of the Unknowns for DNA testing.

The once-unknown fighter was Air Force pilot Lt. Michael Joseph Blassie, whose jet crashed in South Vietnam in 1972. “The CBS investigation suggested that the military review board that had changed the designation on Lt. Blassie’s remains to ‘unknown’ did so under pressure from veterans’ groups to honor a casualty from the Vietnam War,” The New York Times reported in 1998.

Lt. Blassie was reburied near his hometown of St. Louis. His crypt at Arlington remains permanently empty. [Image courtesy of VisitingDC.com.]

7. Vietnam vets go whole hog

On Memorial Day weekend in 1988, 2,500 motorcyclists rode into Washington, D.C., for the first Rolling Thunder rally to draw attention to Vietnam War soldiers still missing in action or prisoners of war. By 2002, the numbers had swelled to 300,000 bikers, many of them veterans. There may have been a half-million participants in 2005 in what organizers bluntly call “a demonstration—not a parade.”

rolling-thunder.jpg

A national veterans rights group, Rolling Thunder takes its name from the B-52 carpet-bombing runs during the war in Vietnam. Rolling Thunder XXI (and you thought only Super Bowls and Rocky movies used Roman numerals) is Sunday, May 25. [Image courtesy of WhiteHouse.gov.]

8. Memorial Day has its customs

General Orders No. 11 stated that “in this observance no form of ceremony is prescribed,” but over time several customs and symbols became associated with the holiday.

It is customary on Memorial Day to fly the flag at half staff until noon, and then raise it to the top of the staff until sunset.

Taps, the 24-note bugle call, is played at all military funerals and memorial services. It originated in 1862 when Union Gen. Dan Butterfield “grew tired of the ‘lights out’ call sounded at the end of each day,” according to The Washington Post. Together with the brigade bugler, Butterfield made some changes to the tune.

Not long after, the melody was used at a burial for the first time, when a battery commander ordered it played in lieu of the customary three rifle volleys over the grave. The battery was so close to enemy lines, the commander was worried the shots would spark renewed fighting.

The World War I poem “In Flanders Fields,” by John McCrea, inspired the Memorial Day custom of wearing red artificial poppies. In 1915, a Georgia teacher and volunteer war worker named Moina Michael began a campaign to make the poppy a symbol of tribute to veterans and for “keeping the faith with all who died.” The sale of poppies has supported the work of the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

9. There is still a gray Memorial Day

Several Southern states continue to set aside a day for honoring the Confederate dead, which is usually called Confederate Memorial Day: Alabama: fourth Monday in April; Georgia: April 26; Louisiana: June 3; Mississippi: last Monday in April; North Carolina: May 10; South Carolina: May 10; Tennessee (Confederate Decoration Day): June 3; Texas (Confederate Heroes Day): January 19; Virginia: last Monday in May.

10. Each Memorial Day is a little different

No question that Memorial Day is a solemn event. Still, don’t feel too guilty about doing something frivolous, like having barbecue, over the weekend. After all, you weren’t the one who instituted the Indianapolis 500 on May 30, 1911. That credit goes to Indianapolis businessman Carl Fisher. The winning driver that day was Ray Harroun, who averaged 74.6 mph and completed the race in 6 hours and 42 minutes.

Gravitas returned on May 30, 1922, when the Lincoln Memorial was dedicated. Supreme Court chief justice (and former president) William Howard Taft dedicated the monument before a crowd of 50,000 people, segregated by race, and which included a row of Union and Confederate veterans. Also attending was Lincoln’s surviving son, Robert Todd Lincoln.

And in 2000, Congress established a National Moment of Remembrance, which asks Americans to pause for one minute at 3pm in an act of national unity. The time was chosen because 3pm “is the time when most Americans are enjoying their freedoms on the national holiday.”

Saturday, May 24, 2008

Tampon Bay Rays

29-20 after 49 games. Tied for 4th best winning percentage - in the entire MLB!

Monday, May 19, 2008

Jason Varitek

One out away from being the only catcher to catch 5 no hitters.

Carry on...

Lester throws no-no...

  • 18th no-hitter in Red Sox history
  • 1st no hitter by Sox lefty since Mel Parnell in 1956
  • Jason Varitek first catcher to catch 4 no-hitters (Hideo Nomo '01, Derek Lowe '02, Clay Buccholz '07, Jon Lester '08); Yogi Berra, Roy Campanella, Alan Ashby, and Ray Shalk each caught 3 no-hitters

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Report: U.S. government may subpoena as many as 104 MLB players

Nice to see that inflation, rising unemployment, energy politics and education are all solved so that the Gov't can dedicate themselves to what's really important.


As many as 104 Major League Baseball players could be subpoenaed by federal investigators in connection with the BALCO steroid distribution case after the United States attorney's office obtained positive steroid test results from 2003, according to a published report.

The results, according to The New York Times, were part of the 2003 tests conducted by Major League Baseball that were intended to be anonymous. But through some deft legal maneuvering, the U.S. government seized the records from two different companies hired to provide the tests.

[continued]

Friday, May 16, 2008

Cooch pins Lavinius

In a show of manliness (a.k.a. "wrestling"), Cooch pins Lavinius to win our first-ever match...

Celtics are fucking hopeless on the road

Game 6 at Cleveland Cavaliers: Boston scores 33 points in the first half. Celtics miss 16 shots in a row. Cleveland goes on 23-2 run.

Ridiculous. Ugly. Ugly as this fucking dude.

---
Editor's Note: Since this posting (post was made during the game), the Celtics ripped off a 13-0 run to pull within 3 points of the Cavs.

Taking free throw distraction too far?

A New Orleans Hornets fan holds up a cardboard cutout of Tony Parker's wife, Eva Longoria, as he attempts a free throw.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Buchholz on DL with broken fingernail


Also: Alex Cora sidelined with major toe fungus. And Kevin Cash out due to hurt feelings.

[link]

KEVIN!!!!!!!

Forgotten Toddler Left Alone at Vancouver Airport

VANCOUVER, British Columbia — An immigrant family left a 23-month-old boy in the Vancouver airport and learned he was missing only when contacted during the next leg of the trip.

Jun Parreno, the boy's father, told The Vancouver Sun the mix-up occurred Monday as he, his wife and two grandparents of the child, J.M., were scrambling between their arrival in Canada and a connecting flight to Winnipeg on Air Canada.

Running late after having to unpack and repack all their luggage, "we had 10 minutes before boarding," said Parreno, who was emigrating with his family from the Philippines. "We were running for the gate."

He said he thought his son was with the three other adults, who were running to the gate ahead of him, and they thought the little boy was with him.

Instead...

[continue reading]

Ortiz leads the league in CAB


Complaints per At-Bat

--
Posted by Jon Hanson & Michael McCann on June 26, 2007 (Note date)

On Sunday we witnessed one of our favorite players, David Ortiz, throw down his bat, helmet, and batting gloves in disgust. Apparently, he didn’t agree with the homeplate umpire’s called third strike. As Red Sox fans who watch many of the team’s games, we’ve noticed that Ortiz has complained about umpiring more often and more vehemently this season than in the past. [rest of the story]

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Cooch was seen hauled off in one of these...

BWAHAHHAHAHAHHA. eBay feedback...

click on photo

Cooch's Mini MLB Trip: May 7-12

Weds, May 7: Travel from Lisbonia to New Jersey. Mount Holly, NJ to be exact.

Thurs, May 8: Atlantic City, NJ: Trump Marina Casino. Cooch checks out on Friday down $11.75 after going on an incredible streak Thursday evening - up $8.75.

Fri, May 9: Washington, DC: Marriott Courtyard Washington Capitol Hill/Navy Yard (140 L Street SE). This hotel was about 4-5 blocks from Nationals Park.
Click image to see box score:
Sat, May 10 and Sun, May 11: Pittsburgh, PA: Spring Hill Suites Marriott (223 Federal Street). This hotel was literally across the street from PNC Park! Sunday's game was rained out.

Click image to see box score for Saturday's game:
On Sunday, Cooch did a "duck tour" to tour the city with Just Ducky Tours. He also checked out Pittsburgh's Station Square (home to Hard Rock Cafe) and Heinz Field. Cooch also braved the local traffic (with his new Garmin GPS) and went to South Side Works theater to watch the movie, "Baby Mama."

Mon, May 12: Cooch drives from Pittsburgh, PA to Lisbonia. In one day. Over 720 miles of driving. 13.5 hours including all stops. I would not recommend this to others.

Cooch's trip statistics: click for larger view
1669.16 miles
28:44 driving time

Cash's "past" balls and robust hitting...

Cooch: Wakefield's out of control. Kevin Cash is helpless behind the plate.
Wake's out after allowing 7 runs in 2.2 innings. I think the twins had 97 hits, Wake had 12 wild pitches, and Cash had 62 past balls.

Cooch: With his 2 hits so far tonight, Cash is hitting a robust .395 on the season!!!

Lavinius: Cash is money.

Monday, May 12, 2008

"A playoff series doesn't start until somebody wins a road game." Hogwash!

Chris McCosky of the Detroit News

"Coaches and players like to say that a playoff series doesn't really start until somebody wins a road game. Does that make any sense? If that was true then the Atlanta-Boston series never started. If that was true, then we're still waiting for both conference semifinals to start -- the home teams have won every game so far. Just a weird axiom that has crept into NBA-speak that boggles the mind when you actually think about it."

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Annoyances

DRIVERS

Drivers in front of you who turn without signaling.

Drivers who veer into your lane without seeing you in their blind spot.

Drivers who take forever and a day to get into a turn lane.

Drivers who go 10 miles or more below the speed limit. I mean really, if you don't have the confidence to go faster, get the F off the road.

People over the age of 65 that drive. This just in: Your dwindling reflexes aren't an asset on the roadways! Two words: Public Transportation. Or pay a chauffeur. The majority of you muh'fuckas are loaded anyway.

GROCERY SHOPPERS/STORE

My big one here is douche bags who leave their cart in the middle of the aisle. How effing hard is it to pull off to the side to let other shoppers pass by?

Having only three lines open when there's 5+ people in each line. Um, ya think maybe you should open another register?

Cashiers: Don't ask me how I'm doing because it's insincere and you couldn't care less. If you really feel the urge to show off your superior customer service skills, ask me if I found everything I needed.

Cashiers that feel the need to comment or ask questions about my groceries. Not really interested in talking to you Mr. or Mrs./Miss Cashier. Just ring up my fucking order so I can be on my merry way.

GRAMMAR

It's amazing the number of people that can't spell "lose" or "losing." THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS LOOSING you "looser."

It's and its...do we have to over that again? It's= it is. It's called a contraction. Its= possession. Your pee brain has a mind of its own.

"Definately" is not a word. "Defiantly", are you for real??? Look, just take the word "definite" and add "ly" to the end.

Imbeciles who mix up past and passed. Ex: "Cash had 62 past balls." And in the same game, Joe Mauer had 43 present balls. :)

"The Red Sox 'one' the game." As opposed to the Red Sox two the game?

MISC

Chicks who wear designer sunglasses bigger than Kareem's goggles. Hey biznatch, it's neither attractive nor stylish unless your face is ugly enough to cover up.

In the movie theater, junior high and high school kids who feel the need to talk and text message during a movie. Hey dorks, what part of turn your phone off and don't talk during the show did you miss?

People that chew their popcorn loud enough for the patrons in the next theater to hear.

People that talk loud enough on their cell phones for an entire room full of people to hear. Really, I don't give an ish about your phone call and neither do the 150 other people within earshot of you.

Dog owners who walk their dogs and don't clean up after them. Be careful. Rusty's deuce just might end up smeared into your windshield.

Random people at the gas station who feel compelled to ask you for a dollar because "I just need enough gas to get home." First off all, you're full of shit, assclown. And secondly, how fucking far do you think you're going to get on a dollar of gas? Ain't falling for your scam.

Poor English speakers whose primary job is serving the American public. I'm looking at YOU fast-food workers, contractors, and customer service people. I mean Jesus H. Christ, if you're going to deal with English speaking people, at least learn the fargin language! Look, I'm not knocking foreigners. They deserve the opportunity to establish a life in the U.S. legally. All I'm askin' is make an effort learn our primary language. Is that asking too much? I swear George Washington is rolling over in his grave.

Friday, May 09, 2008

LeBrick James

19% shooting the first two games of the series.

On the Mike and Mike radio program, they said you have to go all the way back to the 1940s to find a player that shot so putridly the first two games of a playoff series.

















Lebron throws up enough bricks to help third world countries

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Speaking of statistical weirdness...

The day after Dice-BB walks 8 batters in 5 innings, Wakefield doesn't walk ANY batters over 8 innings...

Monday, May 05, 2008

Dice-K's new nickname: Dice-BB

May 5th start versus the Detroit Tigers:


Sunday, May 04, 2008

Sox beat the Devil out of the Rays

Cooch: isn't it time for manny delcarmen to see some time in pawtucket?

Lavinius: It would seem so. But hey, we beat Kazmir and swept the Rays. I guess you could say we beat the Devil out of them. :)

Saturday, May 03, 2008

NostraLavinius's MLB Predictions

I know, I know, my NBA playoff predictions are shitting the bed like the worst case of diarrhea never did. I still maintain the Celtics will be fine and emerge from the Eastern Conference. Atlanta's athleticism/nothing to lose attitude is something I underestimated greatly. The Celtics' "big 3" need to pull their balls out from under their pelvic regions in the 4th quarter. But enough about that, here are my MLB predictions:

AL East: Red Sox
AL Central: Tigers
AL West: Angels

NL East: Mets
NL Central: Cubs
NL West: D-Backs

Cooch's MLB Predictions

AL EAST: RED SOX
AL CENTRAL: TIGERS
AL WEST: ANGELS
NL EAST: METS
NL CENTRAL: CARDINALS
NL WEST: DODGERS

Friday, May 02, 2008

Red Sox score 3 runs in 3 games...

yet manage to win 2 of 3 against Toronto.

The scores of the three games were:

1-0 Red Sox
2-1 Red Sox
3-0 Toronto

A three game series like that at Fenway is a more rare occurrence than Haley's comet.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Red Sox 2005 Draft, Round 1: Solid Gold!



Overall Pick, Player (Position)
23, Jacoby Ellsbury (OF)
26, Craig Hansen (RHP)
42, Clay Buchholz (RHP)
45, Jed Lowrie (2B)
47, Michael Bowden (RHP)

The top 4 picks are on tonight's roster...

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Question for our resident statistician Cooch re: Ellsbury

When was the last time a player hit 2 HR AND reached on a bunt single in the same game?

Anybody got Elias on speed dial?

Monday, April 21, 2008

David Ortiz = Mo Vaughn

Mo Vaughn's Career Stats

Big Papi's Career Stats

p.s. If Big Papi is listed as 230 lbs., Cooch weighs approximately 145.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

NostraLavinius

1) The Celtics will be in the NBA Finals representing the East
2) They will go through the East like a chainsaw through wet toilet paper
2b) They will not lose more than four Eastern Conf. games along the way
3) If the Pistons are fortunate enough to reach the Conf. Finals, the Celtics will beat them in 5 games. (6 if the C's are generous)

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Former major leaguer John Marzano dies at 45 in Philadelphia


PHILADELPHIA (AP) — Former major leaguer John Marzano died Saturday after falling down a flight of stairs at his home. He was 45.

The cause of his death was not immediately clear, police said.

Marzano was from Philadelphia and had been working for Major League Baseball's Web site, where he co-hosted a show on weekday mornings.

"John was a beloved member of our team, a personable, terrific friend to all with whom he worked," said Bob Bowman, chief executive officer of MLB Advanced Media. "He was an engaging, informed interviewer. His energy, knowledge of the game and comedic touch produced admirable results. We miss him dearly already."

[full story]

--
Cooch had the pleasure of meeting John Marzano personally and can say that Marzano was a class act. Cooch's extends his condolences to the family of John Marzano...

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Dustin Pedroia, don't quit your day job!!!

Worst. Acting. Ever.




Proof that Cooch is big-boned

My chest x-ray from earlier today...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Just another twat on the Miami roadways

Read up

Does anyone complain about strike calls more often than Big Papi?


Stop the whining about every fucking strike call. Seriously, get the fucking bat off your shoulder.

Monday, April 14, 2008

That's Not P.C.!

Boom Goes the Dynamite!

Joe Morgan is the Dan Dierdorf of MLB Broadcasters


Seriously, is there anyone more monotonous than Joe Morgan? Can someone wake him up? Buelller? Buellllllller? It's painful listening to Morgan's broadcasts - it's time for him to go...

Lavinius' Favorite Food...


Thursday, April 10, 2008

Best Pie Chart...


WTF?!


Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Buwahahahhahah!


Friday, April 04, 2008

Early Morning, April 4

Shot rings out in the Memphis sky
Free at last, they took your life
They could not take your pride

RIP Martin Luther King Jr.
40 years ago today

Wild Thing

Best Penitentiary Pitcher Ever?


Thursday, April 03, 2008

Hawk attacks 13 year old girl during Fenway Park tour

BOSTON -- A 13-year-old girl touring Fenway Park on a school trip was attacked by a resident red-tailed hawk that drew blood from her scalp Thursday.

She wasn't seriously hurt, but some observers saw an omen for a certain New York Yankees slugger in the attack at the home of the Boston Red Sox. The girl's name is Alexa Rodriguez.

Vince Jennetta, a teacher who chaperoned her class trip from Memorial Boulevard Middle School in Bristol, Conn., told The Boston Globe that Alexa is "a little shaken, but OK."

The hawk was perched on a railing in the upper deck behind home plate while the group toured the stadium. The hawk flew at the girl and swooped with its talons extended, scratching her scalp.

A single egg lay in the hawk's nearby nest in an overhang near the stadium's press booth.

The nest and egg were removed at the direction of state wildlife officials.

Red Sox 2008 Opening Day Roster





Aaaardsma? I barely even know 'er!




Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Must be baseball season

Martinez injured in Mets loss to Marlins

MIAMI (Reuters) - The Florida Marlins ground out a 5-4 victory in 10 innings against the Mets on Tuesday, New York's loss made even more painful by a hamstring injury to star pitcher Pedro Martinez in the fourth inning.

The 36-year-old three-times Cy Young Award winner was forced to abandon his first start of the season with one out in the inning after straining his left hamstring.

He was limping when he left Dolphin Stadium and told a television reporter he felt a pop in his leg.

I don't know what's worse for the Mets? Pedro going down or losing to the Marlins

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Craigslist gold digger gets pwned

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy.
I’m not from New York . I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults - I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810



THE ANSWER

Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament.
Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful”
as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way.
Classic “pump and dump.”
I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

FBI posting fake links to child porn. You click, you get raided

A new technique to catch people looking for child pornography online has been approved by the courts and has already been used in three states. It involves posting bogus links to illegal videos that automatically triggers an armed raid on the user.

Doctoral student Roderick Vosburgh was caught this way last year. Agents got him to come outside after asking him about his car. He faces 10 years behind bars, a lifetime ban on being a college instructor, and 15 years as a registered sex offender.

Vosburgh's lawyer said, "I thought it was scary that they could do this. This whole idea that the FBI can put a honeypot out there to attract people is kind of sad. It seems to me that they've brought a lot of cases without having to stoop to this."


















Cooch's perfect criminal record in jeopardy

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The wasabi's on me!!!

BoSox settle pay dispute, to go to Japan (AP)

Boston Red Sox General Manager Theo Epstein walks past luggage waiting to get loaded for a trip to Japan prior to a scheduled baseball game against the Toronto Blue Jays in Fort Myers, Fla., Wednesday March 19, 2008. The Boston Red Sox refused to take the field for their final spring training game in Florida on Wednesday and threatened to boycott their flight to Japan for their season openers unless their coaches and other staff are paid for the trip.

Fans at City of Palms Park were ready for Boston's final spring training game in Florida. The Red Sox weren't. In an extraordinary move, Boston players voted to boycott a nationally televised exhibition and Wednesday afternoon's flight to Japan for next week's season-opening series against Oakland, upset that coaches weren't going to receive the same $40,000 payments negotiated for players by their...

full article

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Friday, March 14, 2008

March 14th: Steak & BJ day

Hope all our male fans today don't end up like this guy:

Billy Crystal

What's next? Stephen King getting to bat for the Red Sox?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Worst Way to Lose a Game: The Candidates

Barton vs. Winona State college basketball game

Plano East vs. John Tyler HS football game

HS basketball chick "butt shot"

My vote goes to Plano East.

Cooch, feel free to add to this list as you see fit.

Canes 7, Maine 4

CORAL GABLES, Fla. - Sophomore third baseman Mark Sobolewski drove in a season-high five runs in going 3-for-5 with a three-run homer and sophomore right-hander Anthony Nalepa won his second game in relief as No. 5 Miami won its sixth in a row by defeating Maine, 7-4, Wednesday night at Mark Light Field. Sophomore reliever Kyle Bellamy earned his first career save after tossing a scoreless ninth inning for the Hurricanes who improved to 11-1.

Full article

Rocco Baldelli, CFer, DL

Dude plays for the DL more than he does the Rays...

Rays CF Baldelli to start season on DL (AP)

Tampa Bay's Rocco Baldelli will begin the season on the disabled list because of a condition that the 26-year-old outfielder says leaves him extremely fatigued after short workouts. Baldelli has been sidelined since last May because of lingering hamstring problems and has appeared in just 127 of 486 games the past three seasons because of an assortment of injuries.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Speaking of Ferocious Bears...


A bigger issue in the U.S.?

1) Subprime/credit crisis
2) Corruption in U.S. Gov't

A flip of the coin to me...

It's that time of year again

L&C's college baseball teams go at it: UM vs. UM

Representing Lavinius is the University of Miami Hurricanes. Repping Sir Cooch is the University of Maine Black Bears.

First pitch is Wednesday night (tomorrow) at 7:00 pm eastern standard time. Those in the Miami area are welcome to join Lavinius at Mark Light Field on the UM campus in beautiful Coral Gables. It's not everyday one gets a chance to meet a blogger of either Lavinius or Cooch's caliber, so if you're in the Miami area, or Alaska for that matter, don't miss this opportunity.

It won't be difficult to spot me. Just look for the best looking guy there. :)

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Kawika Mitchell= the man

"Hit Tom Brady as much as you can. Don’t matter if it’s a penalty. You gotta get in the guy’s face."

Quite possibly my favorite Buffalo Bill

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Sox Scout Arrested for Jerking Off at Hotel Window

"Hello housekeeping, you need squigi?"


Palm Beach Post Staff Writer

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

PORT ST. LUCIE — A Boston Red Sox scout was arrested, accused of masturbating at the window of his hotel room in front of two women and two underage girls at the swimming pool, records show.

Jesse Levis, 39, faces two felony charges for committing lewd and lascivious acts in front of children under the age of 16.

Full article

UPDATE: Sports Talk Show host weighs in

Sunday, March 02, 2008

John Henderson

Hey Cooch, how would you like to line up across this guy?

Spicy Cock Soup