lavinius and cooch's diary

Girl gets pwned

2009-08-22T13:31:00.001-05:00

Eck needs to brush up on his broadcasting skills

2009-05-23T00:52:00.002-05:00

Dennis Eckersley had a lot of saves in his career. He should have saved two choice words from this broadcast.

http://www.cmsbmedia.com/2009/05/ummeckgeorge-carlin-called.html

Cool Stat on Paps

2009-05-11T16:59:00.001-05:00

from a.j. lavinius

Jonathan Papelbon recorded a rare "super-save" last night, striking out three consecutive batters to end the game with the tying run at third base. It was the first such save in 20 years and only the fifth since the save rule was instituted in 1969.

The batters who fanned against Papelbon were Carlos Pena, B.J. Upton, and Carl Crawford, who have batted in the same inning 422 times. This was only the sixth time that all three struck out.

Food Challenge: Can you eat a piece of bread in 30 seconds?

2009-04-20T17:37:00.001-05:00

Charles Barkley attempts. Hilarity ensues:

Mark "The Bird" Fidrych: 1954-2009

2009-04-14T10:25:00.002-05:00

Below is a cool Mark Fidrych story from another board that Cooch and I wanted to post to the diary:

Every once in a while, somebody touches your life. Mark Fidrych touched mine. In 1996 Mark attended the Red Sox Fantasy Camp. It was to my knowledge, the only time he attended. We had met each other in passing early in the week, but on Wednesday that week, Mark Fidrych and I got (really) drunk together.

There was this character at the camp that year who owned a bar in downtown Ft. Myers. His name was Louie something. Wednesday night is the normal "off night" at the camp. So this Louie character, seeking to promote his bar, declared an event would be held at his joint for all the people at the camp with free food, drink specials, and a "surprise." The name of his place was "Screwy Louie's."

Having nothing to do, I wandered over to Screwy Louie's to see what might be up. There was nobody around, so I bellied up to the bar and ordered a scotch. I'm sitting there a while and this guy plops down next to me and says, "I got the next round. What are you drinking?" It's Fidrych.

So Fidrych starts chatting up the bartender, a very, very desirable young blonde, and tells her a story about how he and I are old friends and just ran into each other that night. She bites and provides the round free. "Smooth move," I say to Fidrych.

"Ya just gutta know people," he says. He has a thick Mass accent.

We get to chatting. He says he's from Northboro. I mention I played in and won a Little League tournament there in 1972. I mention I remember it was the first field I ever saw with advertising on the outfield fence. I mention a few of the establishments I remember in the ads. One in particular was the "Tip 'a Can Trash Removal Company." Fidryich goes nuts. He knows the owners. Uses the company for some of his business on the farm, etc. Says to me, "I'm buying all night and you're not going to argue with me..."

"If you say so Mark. Not necessary though. I'm happy to get my share.

"I say so," he says.

We spent the next four maybe five hours drinking and bullshitting. He tells me how happy he is just working his farm in Northboro. Tells me stories from Detroit and Pawtucket I can't repeat. Just on and on. One of the trainers from the Red Sox staff eventually sat with us. We began to notice the blonde bartender fox more and more as the evening went on (of course). She was wearing very tight shorts which accentuated the specific anatomical details of her, um, parts...

Picture three guys sitting at a crap bar in downtown Fort Myers for three or four hours, having a contest to come up with all the euphemisms to describe this young lady's parts... All I can remember is the laughing. Laughing for the sake of laughing and learning several euphemisms I'd not heard before. We got together a couple of times later in the week but after it was over, I never saw him again.

Mark Fidrych was a gem guys. I felt a little for Adenhart. I felt a little more for Kalas. I feel this one. Fidrych was nuts but he was a great kind of nuts. He was the happiest-go-luckiest guy I ever met. And I'm glad I got the chance, really glad.

Take care Mark. Thanks for the drinks. Thanks for the memory. At least you were doing what you loved to do when your time came. Camel Toes Forever man...

Kentucky State coughs up 1-0 lead

2009-04-09T11:16:00.002-05:00

ShamWow guy bitten by prostitute

2009-03-29T09:03:00.004-05:00

Guess she didn't love his nuts.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2009/0327092sham1.html

Four Decade MLBers

2009-03-23T17:38:00.002-05:00

With Schill's retirement, MLBers left with a shot are:

Tom Glavine
John Smoltz
Junior
Jamie Moyer
Randy Johnson
Kenny Rogers

380 more days to join the club..........

One way to stop AIDS

2009-03-20T18:16:00.002-05:00

PUT A BIBLE OVER YOUR PENIS, SAYS POPE

POPE Benedict last night claimed that placing a bible over an erect penis before intercourse is the only guaranteed way to prevent the spread of Aids.

Speaking before his tour of Africa, the Pontiff said Aids could only be tackled by the 'traditional teaching of the church' and not a latex rubber sheath that contains infected semen and prevents it from transferring the virus to another human being.

May cause chafing

Hockey in Florida > Hockey everywhere else

2009-03-19T15:06:00.001-05:00

WARNING: Video not suitable for children

Hockey Game Boobs - The best video clips are here

Russian judges award a 5.5

2009-03-18T16:33:00.001-05:00

Red Sox LFs: An Unprecedented Run

2009-02-24T16:12:00.002-05:00

The Red Sox have had 8 LFs since 1939:

Teddy Ballgame (1939-1960)
Carl Yaz (1960-1975, moved to 1B/DH)
Jim Rice (1975-1987)
Mike Greenwell (1987-1996)
Wil Cordero (1997)
Troy O'Leary (1998-2000)
Manny Ramirez (2001-2008)
Jason Bay (2008-present)

Very impressive considering two of the eight played 3 years or less.

Oh, those Red Sox left fielders! Circa 2007

Spot the blonde

2009-02-15T17:05:00.002-05:00

I'll post the answer in the comments.

Man has menage o trois in Publix parking lot, gets arrested

2009-02-05T19:06:00.006-05:00

Give the guy credit for at least picking up girls that put up the least resistance.

From the looks of the Reese's peanut butter cup wrappers, looks like they were having quite the time.

LINK

Cooch's Bullshit Meter Went Off...

2009-02-03T15:29:00.003-05:00

First of all, you should know that I hate Barry Bonds, the player.

But, are these fuckwads telling me that they found a positive match for steroids from a 2004 sample?! Like they hadn't thought about testing this shit out years ago, or they've finally just gotten around to it? Seriously?

---
http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=3881897&campaign=rss&source=ESPNHeadlines

Updated: February 3, 2009, 3:10 PM ET
Report: Retested Bonds sample positive

ESPN.com news services

A urine sample that Barry Bonds submitted as part of Major League Baseball's anonymous testing program in 2003 has come back positive for PEDs, according to a New York Times report.

Bonds provided samples that did not test positive under that program, but the samples were re-examined by federal authorities after they were seized in a 2004 raid, The Times reported on Tuesday, citing people familiar with the matter.

Citing a person who has reviewed the evidence in the case, The Times reported last week that authorities detected anabolic steroids in urine samples linked to Bonds that they gathered in their investigation. It remains unclear, the newspaper said, whether the '03 urine sample and the samples seized in the feds' raid in '04 are the same.

Bonds testified to a federal grand jury investigating the Bay Area Laboratory Co-Operative in 2003 that he used "the cream" and "the clear" but did not know they were performance-enhancing drugs. During that testimony, Bonds was asked if he ever took steroids, and he answered no.

The government alleges that Bonds lied under oath. His perjury trial is scheduled to begin March 2 in San Francisco.

Bonds' lawyers filed a motion last month asking Judge Susan Illston, who is presiding over the career home run leader's case, to exclude several pieces of evidence, including those 2003 urine samples.

Illston issued an order Monday saying that, on Wednesday morning, she will unseal some of the evidence gathered by prosecutors in the case. Illston informed defense lawyers she was rejecting their motion to file a series of documents under seal.

The defense had argued that making the material public now could hinder Bonds' ability to get a fair trial. However, Illston said she received a letter from media representatives on Jan. 30 requesting that the sealing order be lifted, and she ruled Monday that releasing the documents would not impair Bonds' Sixth Amendment right to a fair trial.

John W. Henry to enter into holy matrimony...again

2009-02-02T00:40:00.001-05:00

Red Sox owner John Henry is getting married again. Henry, whose divorce from his second wife, Peggy, was finalized last year, proposed to Linda Pizzuti (inset) in New York, and the pair is planning to get married in June. "We are happily engaged," the raven-haired bride-to-be confirmed in a text message to us yesterday. It will be the first marriage for Pizzuti, who has been dating the millionaire businessman since she was introduced to him last summer at Alibi, the bar at the Liberty Hotel. Henry, the 59-year-old founder of the Boca Raton-based investment firm John W. Henry & Co., has one daughter from his 14-year marriage to Peggy. He was also married once before.

Pizzuti, 30, is from Lynnfield, and she and her family are in the real estate development business.

Hope negotiating the pre-nup was easier than Tek's contract

Red Sox Top 11 Prospects: From Baseball Prospectus

2009-01-29T09:46:00.003-05:00

Future Shock
Red Sox Top 11 Prospects
by Kevin Goldstein

BOSTON RED SOX

Five-Star Prospects
1. Lars Anderson, 1B
2. Michael Bowden, RHP

Four-Star Prospects
3. Josh Reddick, RF
4. Daniel Bard, RHP [side note: Cooch has seen this guy pitching for the Sea Dogs; dude hit 101 on the radar a couple of times and his heat was consistently in the 98-100mph range. However, he had zero control over his breaking balls.]

Three-Star Prospects
5. Ryan Westmoreland, CF
6. Casey Kelly, RHP/SS
7. Michael Almanzar, 3B
8. Nick Hagadone, LHP
9. Junichi Tazawa, RHP
10. Bryan Price, RHP
11. Ryan Kalish, CF

Just Missed: Derek Gibson, SS; Yamaico Navarro, SS; Stolmey Pimentel, RHP

Ranking Challenges:
Anderson was a clear choice to top this list, and Bowden edges in behind him at second by being a touch ahead of the two four-star prospects. There are difficulties with all of the players from there on down, as they have a wide, even array of attributes and faults; youth, upside, and a lack of experience, as well as injuries to players like Westmoreland, Hagadone, and Kalish (and the last still has lingering concerns about wrist surgery he had before the '08 season). Tazawa's circumstances are unusual as well, as he's a Japanese player who is not quite ready for The Show, and has a performance record that is impossible to evaluate accurately. From the fifth spot to the last, it's all about the scouting reports, and based very little on the respective performances.

Post #500

2009-01-21T17:51:00.002-05:00

inaugural address word cloud

2009-01-20T16:26:00.002-05:00

Theo Epstein keeps streak alive

2009-01-20T15:13:00.001-05:00

With Papelbon signed, Theo keeps his streak alive of never going to arbitration in his career as Red Sox GM.

A REMINDER ABOUT AN AMAZING SEASON BY A NEW HALL OF FAMER

2009-01-14T12:01:00.000-05:00

Rickey Henderson was elected to the Hall of Fame... In a career full of impressive statistics, this one might top the list: Henderson scored 146 runs in 143 games for the 1985 Yankees. Since 1940 no other player has appeared in at least 50 games in a season and averaged at least one run per game.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Hall of Famer James Edward Rice

2009-01-12T15:21:00.003-05:00

HENDERSON AND RICE ELECTED TO THE HALL OF FAME
For release Monday, January 12, 2009

Rickey Henderson, baseball's all-time stolen bases and runs scored leader, and power-hitting outfielder Jim Rice were elected to the National Baseball Hall of Fame by the Baseball Writers' Association of America in balloting verified by Ernst & Young. They will be inducted into the Hall July 26 at the Clark Sports Center in Cooperstown, N.Y.

Henderson and Rice will be honored along with former Yankees and Indians second baseman Joe Gordon, who was elected last month by the Veterans Committee. The July 26 Induction Ceremony will also include the presentation of the Ford C. Frick Award for broadcasting to Tony Kubek and the J.G. Taylor Spink Award for baseball writing to Nick Peters.

In the BBWAA election, 539 ballots, including two blanks, were cast by members with 10 or more consecutive years of service. Players must be named on 75 percent of ballots submitted to be elected. This year, 405 votes were required. Twenty-seven votes were needed to stay on the ballot.

Henderson was listed on 511 ballots (94.8%) to win election in his first year on the ballot. He becomes the 44th player to be elected by the BBWAA in his first year eligible.

Rice was listed on 412 ballots (76.4%) in his 15th and final time on the BBWAA ballot. He becomes the third player elected by the BBWAA in his final year of eligibility, following Red Ruffing (1967) and Ralph Kiner (1975). Rice received seven votes more than the minimum needed for election.

Link with hideous green background

From the man that brought us Sham-wow

2009-01-11T15:54:00.001-05:00

Preach it, Ricky!

2009-01-09T11:32:00.002-05:00

Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Updated: January 8, 6:20 PM ET
Life of Reilly
By Rick Reilly

The Utes trampled Alabama to complete a perfect season. How are they not national champions?

Some gifts people give are pointless: Styling mousse to Dick Vitale. An all-you-can-eat card to Kate Moss. The BCS Championship given to Oklahoma or Florida. It means nothing because the BCS has no credibility. Florida? Oklahoma? Who cares? Utah is the national champion. The End. Roll credits. Argue with this, please. I beg you. Find me anybody else that went undefeated. Thirteen-and-zero. Beat four ranked teams. Went to the Deep South and seal-clubbed Alabama in the Sugar Bowl. The same Alabama that was ranked No. 1 for five weeks. The same Alabama that went undefeated in the regular season. The same Alabama that Florida beat in order to get INTO the BCS Championship game in the first place. Yeah, that's how it is now in the shameful, money-grubbing world of college football. If you're Florida and you beat Alabama, you get a seat in the title game. If you're Utah, you get a seat on your sofa. Hey, remind me: What do they give out for one of those BCS things anyway? It's been so long since I cared. Something from Sears? This is the sixth year in the past 10 that the title has been in dispute under this cash-grab, fan-dis, monopoly that the BCS has created. Which is why the title game just doesn't matter anymore. It's like being named Miss Ogallala. Or Best Amish Electrician. Just take a look at the teams that think they're worthy of being called national champs: USC? Great year. Wonderful. Let's all go to SkyBar and celebrate. But it lost to Oregon State, a team Utah beat. Texas? You think beating Ohio State by a nubby three points gets you the title? The Big Ten was 1-6 in bowl games! That's like pinning David Spade! Florida and Oklahoma? They lost. Utah never did. So that's it. Utah is the national champion. The Utes should probably have two now, actually. They went undefeated in 2004, too, and their coach still thinks they were the best team in the land. Smart fella named Urban Meyer. Coaches Florida now. By the way, we're calling our title the "national" championship because it actually includes the whole nation—all 119 Division I schools—unlike the BCS, which includes 66. Yeah, the BCS somehow eliminated the middleman—the NCAA. The conferences these schools play in take their dump trucks full of cash straight from the TV networks and fairness can go suck a lemon. The Utes won't get the trophy they really deserve, so we gave them one of our own design. Do me a favor. Call Ohio State president Gordon Gee and ask him why he won't support a playoff. He's one of the most powerful presidents in the NCAA. He could get it done. If he says anything other than, "We don't want to share the loot" then you know he's lying his bow tie off. "This is not how we normally do things in America," says Utah president Michael Young. "In America, quality usually wins, not conspiracy. And there's a reason people usually enter into a conspiracy. It's money. You make money doing it. And those that are in on the conspiracy want to stay in and keep everybody else out." Sure, BCS blowhards will hand you schlock about how the college football season is like a playoff, how it's an elimination tournament every week. Really? Well, how come Florida and Oklahoma weren't eliminated with their losses? Utah ran the table, beat everybody set in front of them, including Ala-damn-bama in no less than the Sugar Bowl, and gets the bagel. Oh, by the way? It was Utah's eighth straight bowl win, the nation's longest streak. Among the losers during that run? Let's see USC, Georgia Tech, Pittsburgh, and now the legendary Houndstooth Hats. "What else do we have to prove?" asks Utah's magical quarterback, Brian Johnson. Good question. He and the Utes essentially whipped Alabama at home. Handed Nick Saban a garlic necklace to wear the entire offseason. Stepped on his team's neck 21-0 in the first three possessions and never looked back. Let's see. Who was it that was losing to Alabama until nearly six minutes into the fourth quarter? Oh, yeah. Florida. What, you want the Utes to win a spelling bee? Make a prize-winning souffle? Knock up Angelina Jolie? What? It just slays me. It really does. Call Myles Brand, president of the asleep-at-the-wheel NCAA, and ask him if he and his greedy presidents are going to stand in defiance of president-elect Barack Obama, who said again this week he wants a playoff and wants it yesterday. Call Atlantic Coast Conference commissioner and BCS bully John Swofford and ask him what he's going to do if Obama starts asking the Justice Department to look into anti-trust violations against the BCS. The Utah attorney general has already launched an investigation into that very thing. Ask him what he'll do if Obama asks the Department of Education to consider withholding federal funds from these schools that have entered into his secret club. You don't think playing in the title game means millions in general-fund donations for a school? That's as unfair as anything Title IX fought against. Until all these people do the right thing, I'll be celebrating with the true national champions — the undefeated, untied Utah Utes. (Our new slogan: Utahk about a team!) Lemonades for everybody!

Elias Says...

2009-01-07T21:43:00.000-05:00

CELTS AND CAVS LOSE ON SAME DAY? TWICE IN ONE WEEK?

For exactly 28 years-spanning December 30, 1980 to December 30, 2008-there was never a day on which two NBA teams with winning percentages of at least .800 through at least 30 games of the season both lost. It's now happened twice in the past six days as the Celtics and Cavaliers both lost last Tuesday and again on Sunday.

Updated: January 4, 2009

Did you know?

2009-01-03T18:59:00.000-05:00

* Free agent pitcher Derek Lowe is the only Major Leaguer with ten-plus years of experience and has never been on the disabled list. Michael Young has seven years and 134 days of experience.

Linky goodness

Lions first NFL team to finish 0-16

2008-12-28T17:45:00.001-05:00

GREEN BAY, Wis. -- The Detroit Lions own a distinction no team wants: worst in NFL history.Facing one last chance to avoid their dubious destiny, the Lions lost Sunday's season finale to the Green Bay Packers 31-21 to complete the league's first 0-16 season. The 1976 expansion Tampa Bay Buccaneers (0-14) were the last NFL team to complete a season without a victory.

[stizzory]

Celtics History, Continued....

2008-12-24T10:26:00.000-05:00

Did "Mike" scoop 'em all?

2008-12-22T19:29:00.003-05:00

Did "Mike" have the skinny on Teixeira before the big news outlets?

The Famous Foreclosed

2008-12-22T13:54:00.002-05:00

Foreclosure has swept the nation like malaria in South American jungles. It's not exclusive to us Average Joes. The rich and famous have been bit by the foreclosure bug, too. Here are some of the names:

Michael Vick, Kanye West, Aretha Franklin, Ed McMahon, Evander Holyfield...

In lieu of the Bora$$/Teixeira negotiations...

2008-12-19T16:51:00.001-05:00

Scott Boras Demands $35 Million To Rescue Drowning Child

(original publish date: 2004)

EAST HAMPTON, NY--Scott Boras has long been known as a tough negotiator. That reputation was bolstered yesterday when the super agent demanded $35 million to rescue a small child drowning in the ocean near Boras’s home in East Hampton, New York.

The child, an eight-year-old named Danny Corgin, was swimming at a private beach when he was caught in the undertow and dragged away. As he flailed and cried for help, Boras relaxed on the deck of his luxury yacht.

“My grandson was swimming around when all of a sudden he was caught in a riptide and dragged out to sea,” said Ethel Corgin, the boy’s grandmother. “I didn’t know what to do. I started panicking. Then I saw that man relaxing on his yacht reading a book. So I asked for his help, and he just said ‘You want me to save a drowning child? Hmmm…that kind of thing will run you around 35 million.’ I tried to negotiate with him, but he was unwavering. I’ve never seen anyone so stubborn, greedy, and heartless in my life. What is he, a sports agent?”

Corgin said that she was struck by Boras’s casual demeanor, even as her grandson struggled to stay afloat in the vicious riptide.

“He was panicking, the poor thing. He thought he was going to drown,” she said. “I thought for sure that [Boras] would help but he really wanted that money. He said I could give him 10 million up front and sign a written guarantee to deliver the rest within a week. He had the contracts already made up. He just whited out ‘third baseman’ and added ‘drowning child.’”

In the end, a deal was not struck. Fortunately, a fishing boat came by and plucked young Danny out of the water before he could drown. Corgin was relieved, but still outraged over Boras’s refusal to rescue her grandson.

For his part, Boras explained that he was just exercising good business sense.

“How much is an eight-year old boy’s life worth?” asked Boras. “Can you really ever say ‘No, that’s too expensive. I’d rather just let the boy drown?’ No, of course not. I was shocked when Mrs. Corgin refused my offer to save the boy. If you’re not willing to shell out a few bucks to save the life of a child, you’ve got to take a long look in the mirror.”

While young Danny was drowning, Boras described his mood as “horrified” and denied Corgin ’s allegations that he was casually reading his book.

“I think she's in denial or something,” said Boras. “It’s crazy to say that I was just causally looking on. I kept thinking how much I would love to save the boy, but Mrs. Corgin and I just couldn’t see eye to eye on compensation. I even acquiesced a little and told her to just give me 10 million up front, since the boy was dying and all. But she still refused. Talk about stubborn. She ought to be arrested for child neglect.”

Several baseball owners and general managers have had similar experiences with Boras. After learning about the East Hampton incident, a few came forward in support of Mrs. Corgin.

Arizona Diamondbacks GM Joe Garagiola, who haggled with Boras this year over the team’s number one draft pick, called the agent “a piece of shit.”

“That guy is a horrible asshole,” he said. “If I were that woman, Mrs. Corgin, I’d sue him for everything he has. How can you sit in your yacht and casually read a book while a young child is flailing in the water before you? He’s even worse than the Poston brothers. Sure, they’ve had a few people killed, but not children.”

While Boras’s actions have been deemed despicable by some, major league baseball players are flocking to him in record numbers. His aggressive, tough-nosed tactics have made his clients some of the most highly paid in the game.

“He refused to save a drowning child because his grandmother wouldn’t pay him 35 million?” asked Red Sox pitcher Derek Lowe, who is scheduled to be a free agent at the end of the year. “That’s sick. It’s cruel. It’s inhuman. He has absolutely no sense of decency or restraint. Anyone have his number?”

r>

A drunk walks out of a bar...

2008-12-17T20:42:00.002-05:00

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back & forth.

A cop on the beat sees him and approaches.

"Can I help you?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" the man replies.

The cop asks- "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's weiner hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out.....

"I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone, too!!

As of today...

2008-12-13T17:42:00.001-05:00

the Sox do not have a catcher on their active roster.

(then again, you could have made that argument last year. Nyuck nyuck!)

Lavinius breaks the silence to bring the following message...

2008-12-11T20:03:00.003-05:00

SIGN. MARK. HOWEVER-YOU-SPELL-HIS-LAST-NAME

Get it done.

Peace out and Happy Holidays.

From Food City in Lisbonia

2008-12-06T16:43:00.002-05:00

Progressive, eh? Shaft tugs cost more...

Fuckwad Simpson finally gets a little justice...

2008-12-06T07:54:00.003-05:00

LAS VEGAS, Nevada (CNN) -- Former gridiron great O.J. Simpson will serve at least nine years in prison for his role in an armed confrontation with sports memorabilia dealers in a Las Vegas hotel in 2007.

Simpson was sentenced to a maximum of 33 years after a rambling, emotional apology in which he told District Judge Jackie Glass, his voice shaking, that he was sorry for his actions but believed he did nothing wrong. Glass, however, brushed his apology aside, saying his actions amounted to "much more than stupidity," and calling him both arrogant and ignorant.

"Earlier in this case, at a bail hearing, I said to Mr. Simpson, I didn't know if he was arrogant, ignorant or both," Glass said. "During the trial and through this proceeding, I got the answer, and it was both."

(story)

Thornley - Listen to it...

2008-11-30T10:52:00.001-05:00

Guns N' Roses

2008-11-23T12:07:00.001-05:00

What if The Matrix Ran on Windows?

2008-11-21T17:59:00.001-05:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

L&C Presidential Bid Denied!

2008-11-05T06:33:00.002-05:00

When L&C lost Cooch's home state of Maine to Obama, we knew that our presidential bid would be tough to obtain. But when the key state of Florida, Lavinius' home state, went to Obama, our fate was sealed. L&C fell just 270 electoral votes shy of the presidency.

"I'm devastated," is all that Cooch could muster when interviewed by several network giants. "But look for L&C in 2012."

::: O B A M A :::

2008-11-05T05:49:00.000-05:00

LSU vs. USC Referee Hates QBs Running the Ball

2008-10-21T15:44:00.001-05:00

Matt Stairs likes to get his ass hammered by guys

2008-10-17T12:18:00.001-05:00

WHAT THE FUCK...

2008-10-12T07:50:00.001-05:00

...IS MIKE TIMLIN DOING ON THE ALCS ROSTER?

Bring on the Rays!

2008-10-07T11:16:00.004-05:00

Man what an intense series! I was on the edge of my couch and pacing my living room. When I was out at a bar for game 2, I was screaming at the TV as if I was home.

Sox looked like they were gonna cruise to a series win after taking the first two in Anaheim. Then they came back home and dropped game 3 in a game where the final score didn't indicate how badly the Angels dominated that game. Game 4 with Lester on the hill you had to feel confident. He was dominant yet again pitching 7 innings of scoreless ball. He's now gone 21+ innings in the post-season without allowing an earned run. He's turning into a dominating post-season pitcher before our eyes, seemingly taking on Beckett's role this year.

In the series-concluding game 4, the Sox took a 2-0 lead into the 8th. Lester at 109 pitches was done for the evening, under his own admission. Okajima comes in. He retires Figgins and Anderson on ground balls. Two outs, nobody on, Teixiera comes up. Inexplicably Oki walks him on four pitches. An absolute NO-NO in a 2-0 game especially with a guy coming up with the ability to tie the game on one swing. Oki is pulled at that point for Masterson.

Masterson gets ahead of Vladdy 0-2...one strike away from getting out of the inning. He ends up walking Vladdy putting runners on 1st and 2nd. Hunter is the next batter. Sox are still in good shape, just gotta retire Toriiiiiii. Another inexplicability takes place as Masterson and Tek get crossed up (Tek was expecting slider, Masterson threw a fastball) and the ball goes to the backstop, advancing the runners. Now all of a sudden two walks and a wild pitch has runners on 2nd and 3rd.

At this point, I was not feeling good about things. My fears were realized when Hunter singled through the right side which scored both runners and tied the game. Just like that, they seized the momentum and I had thoughts of the series going back to Cali.

The Sox went meekly in the bottom of the 8th. Top of the 9th Masterson is back out there. Future HOF candidate Kendry Morales leads off the inning with a double. The runner is bunted over to 3rd giving LAAA a runner on 3rd and one out. Tito's seen enough and yanks Masterson. In comes Manny Delcarmen who to his credit has found a nutsack since getting vilified by L&C. His juevos would be needed now more than ever in this situation. They had to keep this run from scoring, or the series could very well be tied 2-2 going back to their crib with all the momentum on their side and the season resting on an erratic Dice-K. MDC had to come through here.

Welp, enter Michael Scoscia, Angels manager, who the TBS cameras loved panning into the dugout of every 30 seconds, but that's another story. He thought it would be a good idea to employ a suicide squeeze in that situation with Erick Aybar. On a 2-0 pitch, they tried pulling it off. Aybar whiffs on the bunt and pinch runner Reggie Willits is caught in no-man's land between 3rd and home. Tek immediately runs at him and chases him back towards 3rd. He pump fakes but decides to keep the ball and applies the tag just before Willits got back to 3rd. The ball popped out of Tek's glove, but the tag had already been applied.

The Sox seized all the momentum back at that point. We all know what happened in the bottom of the 9th. Bay's bloop double which went in the stands, Kotsay's scorching liner which found its way into the diving Teixiera's glove, and my man Lowrie's single through the right side just out of the reach of Howie Kendrick with two out which scored Bay who slid home with the winning run.

Phenomenal series. Pins and needles the whole time. It was only appropriate the Sox beat the Angels on a walk-off.

Now it's a date with the Rays for the AL championship.

NFL Week 5

2008-10-04T10:11:00.002-05:00

Baltimore +3

Cooch's Double Lock Value Play of the Month of the Year of the 5th Week

Home dog = VAL. U.

Manny speaks candidly about Boston

2008-09-30T10:49:00.005-05:00

It's not what Sox fans want to necessarily hear, but I appreciate his honestly. A lot of this stuff doesn't come as a surprise to knowledgeable Sox fans.

"Every day I thank God I came here and had the chance to show people who I really am," he says. "The guy you see here -- that's who I am."

"The first time I stepped foot in Boston, I said to myself, 'Whoa.' I told Pedro Martinez, 'Damn, man, I just want to get traded and get out of here; this place is not me.' I was unhappy for eight years in Boston but still put up great numbers."

"Baseball in Boston is like a Sunday football game, but played every day," he says.

"We lose in L.A., I go to breakfast and people say, 'Well, you'll get them tomorrow.' In Boston, it's 'Hey, what's going on, the Yankees are coming.'

"It's just a different atmosphere. The fans in Boston got your back no matter what, but I'm talking about the people who write all this bull because it means so much to them. If your happiness depends on Boston winning or losing, you have to get a life."

"I would bring my kids to the park and I want my kids to be kids, but there'd be people trying to interview them. That's so stupid," Ramirez says. "I'd go to the parking lot after the game and 20 people I didn't know would be offering food, CDs and things -- then wanting something in return.

"Here the game ends, I go to the elevator, my car and no one bothers me."

Things went so sour in Boston, the team insisted on medical tests when he said he could not play. He didn't always run hard, and there was suspicion he struck out on purpose.

"I love to hit, to compete and would never do that; that's just people looking for stuff," he says, while admitting he now runs everything out in L.A., "and I don't even have to think about it."

That suggests he wasn't running everything out in Boston, and while he tries to explain, he's interrupted. There's no explanation for such behavior after signing a contract and being paid $20 million a year to give his all.

"You're right," he says. "You're right."

He wants to leave Boston behind, but a few weeks back Curt Schilling felt it necessary to let everyone know Ramirez is no team player. Funny, some say the same about Schilling.

"I don't wish him anything bad, although it did make me madder and play harder to show everyone who I am," Ramirez says. "I don't disrespect or takes shots at anyone. I don't want someone going to one of my sons and saying your dad is a punk and talks bad about people behind their backs."

"In many ways I'm like my mom, who doesn't curse, is always laughing and having fun. I strike out three times, and while I'm upset in my mind, I don't show it. I just tell myself I will come back the next day and go three for four."

"People think I don't take this seriously, but then why am I up early every morning working with the strength coach? I'm just playing around to keep everyone loose. When I was in Cleveland I asked a sportswriter if I could borrow $50,000 to buy a motorcycle. He wrote it like I was serious.

"It's just great here; I don't feel like I'm in a cage. The fans in L.A. are unbelievable -- never in my 16 years have I received such a reception."

Full Article

Joe Flacco

2008-09-29T22:20:00.002-05:00

I haven't seen ball security this bad since I forgot to wear my cup in Little League.

NFL Week 4

2008-09-27T12:16:00.002-05:00

Arizona +1

Cooch hearts value plays. Jets blow donkey nuggets and, on paper, Arizona should win this puppy. The Jets' D has a ton of holes, which will make for a nice day of offense for Warner, Boldin, Fitzgerald, and James. Value, peeps. VALUE.

The 22 Worst Place Names in the World

2008-09-23T16:22:00.003-05:00

Staying far the fuck away from this place:

22. Cockburn, Western Australia
Although this name is often pronounced "Coburn" by those who stand to lose from its awfulness, who actually reads that when they see this word? Oh, how it burns.

On the other hand, these places will receive my touristership:

21. Twatt, Orkney, Shetland Islands, Scotland
The Shetland Islands, pronounced "Shitland Islands" if you have an accent like mine, make up a happy little area north of Scotland where it's too cold for trees to grow. I am related to approximately half the population of the Shetland Islands, share a last name with a quarter of them, and can probably trace my ancestry back to Twatt if I try hard enough. The pride!

19. Muff, Ireland
We here at Drivl love puerile humour. They have a town called Muff. Har har har.

17. Titty Hill, Sussex, England
Falling squarely into the extensive Stupid Place Names From England category, Titty Hill is probably located just north of...

14. Wetwang, Yorkshire... yep! England again!
Okay, so I'll cut England some slack. It's an old country. You know, if the United States is Google, then England is IBM. Their country is older than fucking dirt. They can't be blamed for having names that sound funny in 2007. But this is kind of ridiculous. Wetwang? I'm surprised they don't have towns called Squishy Vagina or Infected Scrotum.

Anybody want to take a stab at this one?

20. Taumatawhakatangihangakoauauotamateapokaiwhenuakitanatahu, New Zealand

If I ever had to send snail mail there, I'd probably off myself.

The rest of the list...

Felix Jones

2008-09-21T20:30:00.001-05:00

With his 60 yard TD run in the second quarter against the Green Bay Packers, Felix Jones became the first player in Dallas Cowboys history to score a a TD in each of his first 3 games.

I'll take it!

2008-09-21T15:22:00.006-05:00

RAYS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS! RAYS MAKE THE PLAYOFFS!

2008-09-21T11:25:00.004-05:00

For the first time in its 11-year existence, the Rays (prior to this season known as the laughing stock of the league and also known as the Devil Rays) have made the playoffs!

With less than 10 games to go, Cooch unboldly predicts that they will also win the division. They came out of nowhere this season to win more than 90 games and wipe the smartass off most of our faces.

Congrats, Rays, even though I hate your fucking collective guts.

Lavinius edit: Me fucking too! Most of the Tampa/St. Pete area couldn't give less than a rat's ass of care about you. Your stadium is a joke. Your fans are a joke. You don't have a prayer of selling out a game unless there's thousands of away fans helping the cause. In short, I wish you zero success and that you humbly go fuck yourselves.

nomar garciaparra: injured again

2008-09-19T13:15:00.002-05:00

Year, salary, and number of games played:
2004 $11,500,000 for 81 games
2005 $8,250,000 for 22 games
2006 $6,000,000 for 122 games
2007 $8,516,697 for 121 games
2008 $9,516,697 for 50 games (with less than 10 games to go this season)

NFL Power Rankings: Week 3

2008-09-17T20:11:00.004-05:00

Lavinius' beloved Bills crack the top 10 after a solid road win..

Byrd vs. the Birds: Redux

2008-09-17T20:11:00.002-05:00

Guess what? Byrd will be matched up against Toronto again. Friday....

Cowboys' Owens catches career TDs No. 131, 132

2008-09-16T20:29:00.001-05:00

IRVING, Texas -- Terrell Owens caught his 131st career touchdown Monday night, a 72-yarder in the first quarter of Dallas' game against Philadelphia, to take over sole possession of second place on the NFL career list.

Early in the second quarter, Owens made it 132 with a 4-yard TD.

On the first TD, Owens was behind the defenders and caught the ball in stride from Tony Romo near the 15 and ran untouched into the end zone. It was the longest pass of Romo's career.

Owens is 65 TD receptions behind Pro Football Hall of Famer and former teammate Jerry Rice on the NFL list. Owens had been tied with Cris Carter for second place.

Owens has three TDs this season, and 31 in 33 games with the Cowboys. He has caught 28 from Romo, making them the league's top quarterback-receiver TD combination since 2006.

Before coming to Dallas in 2006, Owens had 20 TDs in two seasons with the Eagles. He spent the first eight seasons of his career with San Francisco, five of those with Rice.

Copyright 2008 by The Associated Press

NFL Week 2

2008-09-14T09:42:00.002-05:00

Bills EVEN over Jaguars

Decent play here. Battered Jags against the Bills, who are coming off a great first week. Value play, folks! Lavinius' beloved Bills win a tight game on the road.

Tris Speaker, Wade Boggs, and Dustin Pedroia

2008-09-13T22:01:00.001-05:00

Who are the only Red Sox members to have 200 hits and 50 doubles in the same season?

Cash is STILL Money

2008-09-13T08:32:00.002-05:00

Byrd vs. the Birds

2008-09-13T08:25:00.003-05:00

With his start today against the Blue Jays, Paul Byrd will have faced the Blue Birds in 4 of his last 7 starts. He is 2-1 w/ a 4.03 ERA against the Jays this season.

NFL Power Rankings: Week 2

2008-09-13T07:32:00.002-05:00

Cantu's 25th homer makes history for Marlins

2008-09-12T21:53:00.001-05:00

Cantu's solo homer that tied the score at 1 in the fourth was his 25th of the season. The Marlins are now the first team in Major League history to have four infielders hit at least 25. Mike Jacobs (32), Dan Uggla (30), Hanley Ramirez (29) and Cantu have accounted for 116 of the Marlins 188 homers this season.

Full Article

Let the debate begin: Thigpen '90 versus Rodriguez '08

2008-09-12T13:36:00.004-05:00

Thigpen: 4-6, 57 saves, 8 blown, 77 games, 88.1 IP, 1.83 ERA
K-Rod: 2-2, 57 saves, 6 blown, 69 games, 63.1 IP, 2.42 ERA

Thigpen had a significantly lower ERA, averaged more than 1 IP per game (including 9 games with 2+ IP and 2 games going 3 IP). I'll take the '90 Thigpen...
[Thigpen's 1990 game log]

Go home Ike

2008-09-12T10:56:00.000-05:00

NASA Remembers...

2008-09-11T18:16:00.002-05:00

http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/imagegallery/image_feature_1171.html

[click on pic for larger view]

Girl caught giving handjob at college football game

2008-09-11T11:54:00.008-05:00

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter. Jill came down with two fifty. Oh, what a ho!

video here

Rap Battle Gone Bad Translated

2008-09-10T15:55:00.001-05:00

Rap Battle Gone Bad Translated - Watch more free videos

BWAHAHAHHAHAH

2008-09-09T15:57:00.000-05:00

Mancrush v2: Have a Seat

2008-09-09T15:03:00.001-05:00

Buchholz, who was sent to Double-A Portland on August 20, will not be returning to the Red Sox for the last few weeks of the regular season, the Boston Globe reports.

Youk...

2008-09-07T13:19:00.003-05:00

Youk is the Sox' official team leader in HRs (25) and RBIs (97). Jason Bay has actually hit 26 HRs, but only 4 official AL HRs.

NFL Week 1

2008-09-04T18:08:00.001-05:00

Giants -4 over the Skins

Theo: You da man!

2008-09-03T23:29:00.003-05:00

You had a ticking time bomb in Manny Ramirez and got us Jason Bay for him. In the same deal, you dumped the enigmatic Craig Hansen and a decent spare outfielder in Brandon Moss that didn't fit into the equation. In the process you fixed that little thing called "clubhouse chemistry" and the team is 21-9 since the trade as of this post.

You resisted temptation with Johan this past spring and instead held onto our talented youngsters Lester, Masterson, and Lowrie. You drove the price up for the Yankees to the point the Twins traded him out of the AL.

You picked up Bartolo Colon from the scrap pile and he ended up giving us some nice starts before he got injured.

You picked up Paul Byrd in a waiver wire transaction for a box of David's sunflower seeds when the back of our rotation was either injured (Wakes, Colon) or just dropping deuces on oneself (Buchholz). What an improvement he's been over the former Mancrush V.2.

You picked up Mark Kotsay for three Slim Jim's and a Powerbar and the early returns are good on that as well.

Gotta say that Sean Casey has been great for the bench and the clubhouse as well.

Just to put into perspective the job Theo has done; last year the Sox used the DL nine times. This year, the Sox have used it 20 times. Rather than fold or use it as an excuse, the team is playing its best ball of the season, and appear to be a virtual lock for a playoff berth with a five game wild card lead.

Here's to you, Theo!

Carlos Pena

2008-09-03T20:04:00.001-05:00

...has walked 7 times with the bases loaded this season.

Dice-BB

2008-09-03T16:15:00.002-05:00

Number of times Dice-BB has walked:

0 batters in a game: 3
1 batter in a game: 1
2 batters in a game: 6
3 batters in a game: 6
4 batters in a game: 2
5 batters in a game: 5
6 batters in a game: 2
7 batters in a game: 0
8 batters in a game: 1

A little Dustin Pedroia for MVP love

2008-09-01T23:38:00.006-05:00

AL RANKS

BA: .327 (1ST)
RUNS: 107 (1ST)
HITS: 185 (1ST)
DOUBLES: 42 (T-3RD)
OBP: .374 (18TH)
OPS: .863 (21ST)
RBI: 70 (T-29TH)

Dude gets serious consideration based on the first four cats listed, but he checks in with very respectable marks in OBP, OPS, and RBI.

Just checked his game log and I counted 57 multi-hit games! :O

Paul Byrd: "I can't say enough about my second baseman. This guy, in my opinion, is the MVP of the league. He's unbelievable. I didn't know he was that good when I came over here."

Ozzie Guillen: "A lot of people talk about Manny [Ramirez] leaving. I wish Pedroia was leaving" (Pedroia went 9 for 12 in a recent series against the Pale Hose)

From 9/1's post-game recap: Pedroia, who hit .374 in August and closed the month going 9-for-12, scored 33 runs last month, the most for the Red Sox since Dom DiMaggio and Billy Goodwin had 35 in 1950, according to the Elias Sports Bureau.

Cooch's NFL Predictions

2008-09-01T08:04:00.002-05:00

NFC EAST: DALLAS EFFIN COWBOYS!
NFL NORTH: MINNESOTA
NFL SOUTH: NEW ORLEANS
NFL WEST: SEATTLE

AFC EAST: NEW ENGLAND
AFC NORTH: PITTSBURGH
AFC SOUTH: INDIANAPOLIS
AFC WEST: SAN DIEGO

NFC CHAMPS: DALLAS
AFC CHAMPS: INDIANAPOLIS

SUPER BOWL CHAMPS: DALLAS!!! (NO BIAS HERE, REALLY!!!)

My condolences go out to his future borns

2008-08-30T08:22:00.003-05:00

Chad Ocho Cinco (born Chad Johnson January 9, 1978 in Miami, Florida)[1][2], is an American football wide receiver for the Cincinnati Bengals of the National Football League. He was drafted by the Bengals in the second round of the 2001 NFL Draft. He played college football at Oregon State.

Ocho Cinco has been selected to the Pro Bowl five times and named an All-Pro three times. He legally had his name changed from his surname Johnson to Ocho Cinco on August 28, 2008.

Bulldog. Intimidator.

2008-08-20T16:08:00.003-05:00

August 18, 2008: MDC still sucks

2008-08-18T20:47:00.003-05:00

Lavinius: Stuff-wise he's about an 8. Head-wise he's about a 3.
Fucker drives me crazy.

Cooch: About as reliable a a 1994 Yugo.

Lavinius: and a 2007 Lugo.

grizzly bear shit

2008-08-14T18:46:00.001-05:00

RED SOX DON'T WANT THIS SERIES TO EVER END

2008-08-14T09:51:00.000-05:00

he Red Sox concluded their three-game series against the Rangers with a 10-0 win. Boston had a 10-0 lead in the first game and an 8-0 margin on Wednesday. It's the first time in Red Sox history that they've had a lead of 8-0 or more in each of three consecutive games, and over the last 46 seasons the only other team to do that was the Indians in September 1986. (Maybe it was those three games that convinced Sports Illustrated to call the Indians the "best team in the American League" in its 1987 baseball preview issue.)

The Red Sox scored 37 runs in the series against Texas, tying the most by any major league team in a three-game series this season. The White Sox had 37 against the Pirates in June and the Tigers had 37 vs. the Rangers in April.

The Red Sox have scored that many runs in a three-game series only one other time over the last 55 seasons, when they had 45 in a series against the Marlins in June 2003.

From Elias Sports Bureau

The Boston Js

2008-08-08T08:56:00.002-05:00

The Boston Red Sox must have set some sort of record for number of players on a team whose first name begins with J.

Jacoby Ellsbury
J.D. Drew
Jason Varitek
Jason Bay
Josh Beckett
Jon Lester
Javier Lopez
Justin Masterson
Jonathan Papelbon
Jed Lowrie

(The last time the Sox had this many Js in the clubhouse was when Jose Canseco was dealing...)

Jason Bay Shines in Sox Debut

2008-08-01T23:56:00.000-05:00

BOSTON (AP) -- Jason Bay got a standing ovation before his first at-bat with the Red Sox, and the fans really went wild after his last one Friday night.

One day after being traded for Manny Ramirez, Bay filled the disgruntled slugger's role in left field and with clutch hitting by tripling in the 12th inning then scoring on Jed Lowrie's single that gave Boston a 2-1 win over the Oakland Athletics.

"It definitely ranks up there with one of the better moments I've had," Bay said.

Bay was obtained from Pittsburgh in the deal that sent Ramirez to the Los Angeles Dodgers after he had criticized the club in recent weeks and missed two games with what he said was a sore knee although MRIs showed no problem.

"He's an unbelievable player," Boston starter Tim Wakefield said, "and for him to score the winning run, it's great stuff."

Bay scored both of Boston's runs, reached base four times and made two run-saving catches near the left-field line.

[rest]

Four years ago, the Sox were in the same boat...

2008-08-01T13:03:00.003-05:00

...then Kevin Millar decided "we're not gonna take it anymore!"

Commentary: Moving Manny was the right thing to do

2008-07-31T19:23:00.004-05:00

The following comes from an e-mail exchange I had with Cooch:

What needs to be stated right off the bat is this trade wasn't made in a vacuum. The Sox were painted into a corner. Between pushing Jack McCormick down, his altercation with Youk, and his statements to ESPNDeportes essentially throwing the organization under the bus, the Sox were in an unenviable position to sever the relationship. With that as a backdrop, we had no leverage, so it was impossible to get "equal value" for Manny. Instead, we had to get the best compensation possible which allowed us to have as little dropoff as possible. After all, we're in a pennant race. The last thing we needed was to downgrade an already offensive-challenged club.

Given the circumstances, to get someone of Jason Bay's caliber, a guy with legit .290/30/100 capabilities who's an above avg on-base guy, for a disgruntled malcontented superstar, a crappy reliever who just wasn't coming around, and a spare outfielder, I'm not sure you can ask for much more as a Sox fan.

He's signed through '09, as you said, so this is not a rental situation like the Dodgers are doing with Manny. We'll have all of 2009 to evaluate him, and our cost is $7.5 million + $7 million of Manny's '08 salary for the last two months of the season; a savings of $5.5 million from Manny's '09 option.

Bay is probably 80-85% the hitter Manny is. But he's able to help us in different areas where Manny couldn't-- namely defense and baserunning, and do it at a reduced salary without the headaches.

The biggest question mark is how Bay adjusts to the American League, most notably in a pennant race with the pressure intensified. How he adapts will go a long way in evaluating this trade.

In the meantime, the Sox rid themselves of a headache, cancer, disruption, distraction, and malcontent. By doing that, I feel a huge weight was lifted from the team.

Fast Forward: 2008

2008-07-31T18:39:00.003-05:00

My wish to trade Manny finally came through - 3 years later, in a 3-team deal.

Los Angeles gets:
Manny

Boston gets:
Jason Bay (from Pittsburgh)

Pittsburgh gets:
Craig Hansen and Brandon Moss (from Boston)
Andy LaRouche and Bryan Morris (from LA)

Flashback: 2005

2008-07-31T18:34:00.003-05:00

I wrote this in 2005. Rather than re-writing it, I'll just re-post since the sentiment remains.

"Sunday, July 31, 2005

Manny, don't let the door hit you on the way out...
Honestly, can we just dump this chump? Of course I'm referring to Manny Ramirez. Cleveland was happy to get rid of the clubhouse cancer and I'm counting the days until Manny's off the squad. Despite his undeniable hitting prowress, his lackadaisical play and horrendous defense is just intolerable. On top of that, his clubhouse antics have pissed off everyone. At this point, his talent is not worth his unpredictable behavior. I put him in the same boat as Pedro Martinez - a world-class headache.

Can anyone feel sorry for a guy making $20mn per year who jogs down the first base line in the 10th inning of a tight game? Or, how about his yearly MIA stunts when the team needs him? He's consistently let the team down and it's time to eat some of his salary to dump his unreliable ass. Any outfield acquisition will be an immediate defensive upgrade.

Time to cut our losses and dump this piece of shit. Please, someone take him..."

Major Pwnage!

2008-07-29T01:31:00.005-05:00

Click on Image

Chien-Ming Wang's younger brother

2008-07-24T23:28:00.002-05:00

Here

Lester solid... again.

2008-07-22T05:23:00.003-05:00

That musta hurt...

2008-07-21T16:58:00.003-05:00

(seriously, was the editor drunk?)

Manny Delcaacaa (aka Manny Delcarmen aka Manny Delchokeman)

2008-07-20T21:45:00.003-05:00

Lavinius: (from SOSH)

editor's note 1: "One Less Than Lowell" means one less nut
editor's note 2: SOSH= Sons of Sam Horn website

From Baseballreference.com, through yesterday (these numbers will be worse now. Yay)
The OPS against Manny "One Less Than Lowell" Delcarmen when the game is various margins of runs one or the other:

1 run margin--.842
2 run margin--.833
3 run margin--.762
4 run margin--.702

and if the game is totally out of hand, that's when OLTL is at his best >4 run margin--.605 OPS against

Cooch: i've been calling for his resignation for months!

sox desperately need masterson to step up and to get a quality pitcher.

Lavinius: No, but wait, he's a local guy!

Cooch: i'd trade him for a sack of beernuts. how 'bout him and youk for teixeira?!

Lavinius: I'd do it but Atlanta would never go for it.

Cooch: atlanta asked for hansen and youk for teix. wouldn't be that much of a stretch to try and dump delcaacaa instead.

Lavinius: Hansen has the greater upside, though. MDC is just local trash...

Cooch: i concur. but atlanta's in a selling position. i think l&c could craft the deal.

Lavinius: MDC's trade value is so low, waivers wouldn't take him.

Cooch: waivers would ask for two PTBNL.

Dan Uggla needs a huggla

2008-07-16T09:04:00.001-05:00

Wanna get away? 0-4, 3 K's, 3 errors, GIDP

Gives new meaning to the term str-Uggla-ing.

bush2bush

2008-07-08T19:07:00.002-05:00

Lavinius' 2008 NL all-stars

2008-07-07T12:59:00.007-05:00

C-- Soto/Martin, McCann
1B-- Berkman/Lee
2B-- Utley/Uggla, Phillips
SS-- Hanley/Guzman
3B-- Chipper/Wright
LF-- Braun/Holliday
CF-- McCloth/Rowand
RF-- Nady/Hart, Ludwick
DH-- Pujols

SP-- Lincecum, Volquez, Webb, Sheets, Haren, Hamels, Santana, Dempster
RP-- Wood, Lidge, Wagner, Raunchy

ACTUAL ALL-STAR TEAM

STARTERS
POS PLAYER TEAM ALL-STAR APPEARANCES
C Geovany Soto Chicago 1
1B Lance Berkman Houston 5
2B Chase Utley Philadelphia 3
3B Chipper Jones Atlanta 6
SS Hanley Ramirez Florida 1
OF Ryan Braun Milwaukee 1
OF Alfonso Soriano Chicago 7
OF Kosuke Fukudome Chicago 1

PITCHERS
POS PLAYER TEAM ALL-STAR APPEARANCES
RHP @Aaron Cook Colorado 1
RHP Ryan Dempster Chicago 2
RHP @Dan Haren Arizona 2
RHP Brad Lidge Philadelphia 2
RHP Tim Lincecum San Francisco 1
RHP Ben Sheets Milwaukee 4
RHP Edinson Volquez Cincinnati 1
LHP @Billy Wagner New York 6
RHP Brandon Webb Arizona 3
RHP Brian Wilson San Francisco 1
RHP Kerry Wood Chicago 2
RHP @Carlos Zambrano CHC 3

RESERVES
POS PLAYER TEAM ALL-STAR APPEARANCES
C Russell Martin Los Angeles 2
C @Brian McCann Atlanta 3
1B Adrian Gonzalez San Diego 1
1B @Albert Pujols St. Louis 7
2B Dan Uggla Florida 1
3B Aramis Ramirez Chicago 2
SS @Cristian Guzman Washington 2
SS Miguel Tejada Houston 5
OF Matt Holliday Colorado 3
OF Ryan Ludwick St. Louis 1
OF Nate McLouth Pittsburgh 1

Lavinius' 2008 AL all-stars

2008-07-06T18:33:00.007-05:00

Since the league selection committee can't get it right...

STARTERS/RESERVES

C-- Joe Mauer/A.J. Pierzynski, Dioner Navarro
1B-- Justin Morneau/Kevin Youkilis
2B-- Ian Kinsler/Dustin Pedroia
SS-- Michael Young/Derek Jeter
3B-- A-Rod/Lowell, Longoria
OF-- Hamilton, Dye, Drew/Ichiro, Ordonez, Sizemore
DH-- Bradley/Matsui

PITCHERS

SP-- C. Lee, Duchscherer, Halladay, Lester, Saunders, E. Santana, Marcum, Floyd
RP-- K-Rod, Nathan, Papelbon, Rivera

THE REAL ALL-STARS...
(WARNING: Please refrain from sipping a beverage)

STARTERS
POS PLAYER TEAM ALL-STAR GAME APPEARANCES
C Joe Mauer MIN 2
1B Kevin Youkilis BOS 1
2B Dustin Pedroia BOS 1
3B Alex Rodriguez NYY 12
SS Derek Jeter NYY 9
OF Josh Hamilton TEX 1
OF Manny Ramirez BOS 12
OF Ichiro Suzuki SEA 8
DH # David Ortiz BOS 5

PITCHERS
POS PLAYER TEAM ALL-STAR GAME APPEARANCES
RHP Justin Duchscherer OAK 2
RHP Roy Halladay TOR 5
LHP Scott Kazmir TB 2
LHP Cliff Lee CLE 1
RHP Joe Nathan MIN 3
RHP Jonathan Papelbon BOS 3
RHP Mariano Rivera NYY 9
RHP Francisco Rodriguez LAA 3
RHP Ervin Santana LAA 1
LHP Joe Saunders LAA 1
RHP George Sherrill BAL 1
RHP Joakim Soria KC 1

RESERVES
POS PLAYER TEAM ALL-STAR GAME APPEARANCES
C Dioner Navarro TB 1
C Jason Varitek BOS 3
1B Justin Morneau MIN 2
2B Ian Kinsler TEX 1
SS Michael Young TEX 5
3B Joe Crede CWS 1
3B Carlos Guillen DET 3
OF J.D. Drew BOS 1
OF Carlos Quentin CWS 1
OF Grady Sizemore CLE 3
DH Milton Bradley TEX 1

How could I forget my BIGGEST surprise of the first half?

2008-07-03T21:03:00.003-05:00

This man deserves his own post, seriously.

Jon MFin Lester: The best story in baseball keeps getting better. As if a no-hitter wasn't enough, he shut the Yankees out in the Toilet-- the first time such a feat took place by a Red Sox pitcher since April 2004. It was the first CG shutout by a Red Sox pitcher since his own no-hitter on May 19.

He checks in with a 7-3 record with a sparkling ERA of 3.21, with two CG-shutouts on the resume including a no-no and a blanking of the Yankees. Did I mention he's a cancer survivor?

I'll be honest-- I didn't have this guy pegged for anything more than a middle of the rotation starter. Right now you could make the argument he's been the best pitcher on this staff. Modestly, he's gotta be top 5 for best lefty pitcher in the game: Johan, Hamels, Kazmir, Sabathia...and I think you can make an argument for Johnny Ballgame 5th, especially with the lackluster first half Erik Bedard has had.

Lester, you da man!

2008 Red Sox: Midyear-ish Surprises

2008-07-02T19:54:00.008-05:00

Not exactly mid-year. Sox are 50-36 at time of writing...

Julio Lugo: 1 HR. Wasn't expecting a ton of power, but even for the light-hitting Lugo, this is well short of what he's capable of. 16 errors won't help us forget his lack of hitting.

J.D. Drew: After a very light 2007, save for a great post-season, did anyone expect Drew to have a .298 average, lead the team in HRs (16), runs (58), OPS (.978) and be named player of the month for a torrid June?

Jason Varitek: Batting .219 with a measly .302 OBP and looking every bit like an aged washed-up-catcher. One of the most common phrases mentioned by broadcasters this year: "Varitek strikes out and the Red Sox strand a pair."

Manny Ramirez: Hitting .281 and an OPS of .878 the year the team needs to decide whether to pick up his 2009 option of ~$20mn = no brainer for management. I doubt we'll see Manny next year, especially considering the dissension he's shown in the dugout this year.

LAVINIUS CHECKING IN WITH HIS SURPRISES:

Dice-K: Bestowed with the nickname "Dice-BB" by L&C, he's inexplicably walked 49 in 75 innings this season. He had 80 walks all of last year, in 205 innings. [Cooch's note: The only person with more Woks than Dice-K is the local Asian restaurant supply guy.]

Lopez: 2.20 ERA and best non-Papelbon reliever on the staff? He's the last guy I thought would emerge with that crown. Unfortunately, it also signifies that the Sox bullpen is in a world of shit. [Cooh's note: And to think J-Lo's sitting in the pen while we watch Oki, Delcarmen, and Hansen serve up runs all night long.]

Okajima: From a peripheral sense, his numbers are respectable-- 3.02 ERA, 35 K's in 35.1 innings against just 11 walks. But what's surprising to me is the # of inherited runners he's allowed to score. Something like 12 of 15, or 13 of 16. [Cooch's note: Hideki's 9.64 ERA in June made L&C vomit many times, and I think it's way too early in the season to claim dead arm. It's time to stop overusing Oki.]

Hansen and Delcarmen: Expected at least one of them to emerge and provide late game stability. The only thing that's emerged are curse words from Lavinius's mouth and keyboard when they take the bump.

Buchholz: Didn't expect the Mancrush sequel to Beckett to get treated like a Mexican pinata. He found his way to the DL with a purported fingernail ailment. He's since been down in Pawtucket tinkering with his release point. The results have been staggering-- a 4-1 record with a 1.63 ERA in 8 starts, including a 4-0 with a 0.40 ERA in his last 4.

Starting Pitchers: Lead the AL in walks. This was not something I expected from this staff, and definitely not something I expected from a John Farrell coached staff.

As for hitters, co-sizzle on all of Cooch's picks, especially Drew. That boy be tearing it up! Varitek is getting to the point where Wakefield or Beckett would be better options--with the bat!

Tito's decision to hit-and-run with Lowell and Tek on 7/2 in the 9th inning: Seriously Tito, WTF? Lowell gets timed in the 40 using days on a calendar and Tek can't hit the broad side of a barn door. You're smarter than that.

Blame It on the Rain by Milli Papelcarmen

2008-06-23T17:02:00.001-05:00

Weren't you at this game Cooch?